chelsea5manu0

mainz 5 liverpool 0

2006-08-10T07:13:00.000-07:00

did u see the ndp? kaira gong is great, such poise, such voice! i also remember the song i used to sing when i was young, 小人物的心声. also heard the national anthem and pledge being played again. last time we used to do it everyday in school, initially with pride, then with monotony. today i haven't sung it for some time, but when sang it at office during national day observance 2 days ago, haven't forgotten the song at all, and suddenly i feel proud again, wish i can sing it every day. life in the office, with all its politics and duplicity, and hearing the same messaging and discussions day in, day out, had demoralised me about whether i really love my country, but when i see the parade, i know i still do. the love is kinda an abstraction. and i haven't forgotten what i learnt when i was studying abroad, to treasure what i have at home that those who haven't been abroad take for granted and grumble about. so i do still love my country lah.

the first part of the parade wasn't v nice, but the second part, esp the combined schools contingent of 915 in strength, was v nice! full of colour, diversity and vibrancy. and the person who was interviewed, who explained what was going on, how everything was put together, is actually my cousin! these, by the way, are his children: my nieces and n ephews, aged 5 and 2. very lovable, although the younger one is a bit on the shy side. just celebrated my nephew's b/d 2 weeks ago. that time the father had to come to the party late, cos he was working late, preparing for ndp. aren't they cute?

the writer is doing conscription liability in ____________. he contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. he cannot be named to protect his identity.

germany 0 italy 2 aet (grosso 120, del piero 120)

2006-07-31T08:06:00.000-07:00

was in an exceedingly bad mood when i went on saturday, cos of something someone said to me. after so long, must things still work out this way? can't that person give me a chance?! hadn't actually wanted to go, but had to collect money from people. collected as much as i could and then stormed off home. it wasn't the fault of those pple who i had to collect money from, but they had to bear the brunt of my anger. but it also caused me to actually qn wat for the past yr, i have really been doing all i did for. it's not dat i did at all, but was it worth it?

at home, was watching memoirs of a geisha on laptop. lovely acting by gong li, michelle yeoh & zhang ziyi, story setting, lovely story, considering that i had tried to read the book at borders but couldn't get past 250 pages after going to borders on 2 separate occasions & reading only that book the whole time i was there. considering that i did a class on japanese culture when i was studying (this is quite some time ago, can u blive dat some of my frens just graduated, others r about to START uni?) fiction set in reality, expressing & dramatising the tragedy of reality, yet ideals shine thru, & hopes can also become part of reality. interesting dat all 3 main actresses are chinese rather than japanese, & dat altho michelle yeoh gets a typical part, gong li & zhang ziyi switch parts, zhang ziyi plays a gentle & kind character, albeit one wif strong determination, while gong li plays a malicious & jealous character. at the end, i was v touched by the narrator's words: "but to learn of kindness, in a world of unkindness, these are not the memoirs of a geisha, or even a queen. they are memoirs of another kind."

it reminded me of wat i learnt in my 4 yrs of university: the imptce of kindness & gentleness, to make pple's lifes a bit better, to provide a better alternative to pple's immediate tendency to criticise & put down, & to aim to be the best in ur field no matter wat ur field is, to have hope. i did not start my university wif much hope or kindness. but cos of this i resolved to bring hope & kindness to others. coming back into reality of life in singapore has seen this been harder to do than i thought. but u must blive in urself, & blive in others. still, stimes it's hard to see in others wat u can't blive in urself. it even gets worse when u see others achieve wat u can't. but i still remember wat i had set out to do, to show kindness. a feminine quality, encapsulated in a masculine character in memoirs of a geisha, in the simplest deeds, of the richest buying a cup of sweet ice to the poorest.

the writer is doing conscription liability in ________. he contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. He cannot be named to protect his identity, cos freedom of speech is enshrined in the constitution. He has 318 days to go.

france 1 korea 1

2006-07-17T07:43:00.000-07:00

today my colleagues said that i am feminine. i act like a girl. i am touchy. oversensitive. dun act macho and masculine. that's y people dun like me. dat's y girls dun like me. they treat me like a 姐妹, but they dun like me.

on the 1 hand, i try to be godly, to do what is said in the Bible. But many of the Bible's qualities would be what the world considers feminine: gentleness, kindness, patience, meekness, submissiveness, peaceability, love, forgiveness, people and relationship orientedness, sensitivity, meeting needs. Am I stereotyping here? Masculinity is associated with assertiveness, firmness, handling tasks, competition. these aren't exactly what the Bible is looking for.

And yet, I also recognise that I am petty, calculative, whiney, oversensitive, dunno how to be firm.
& i complain that I am fat!

Sigh.

the writer is doing conscription liability in _________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. He cannot be named to protect his identity, cos freedom of speech is enshrined in the constitution. He has 332 days to go.

france 1 italy 1 (zidane sent off 111)

2006-07-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

meeting up wif frens from old days is always quite painful. i m v happy to see them again, & happy that they r successful, but somehow i always think they r more successful than me in their own field. many of them who graduated from overseas have moved on to take on big jobs wif big firms in the US and UK in law, management consultancy, economics and accountacy, some of them are coming back to Singapore but are still taking on these careers, my medicine frens are in their final year, about to graduate and go back to conscription liability as a captain and doctor, friends who are on scholarships are doing big stuff in their conscription liability in policy, engineering, technology, manpower, events management, intelligence and research, those without conscription liability - many of them are civil servants or going to be top ranking civil servants in the various government ministries, others are working in stat boards like EDB, PSA, MAS. Starting salaries for lawyers are $4000 in Singapore, GBP6000 in the UK, many others working in the UK are starting with a 5 digit salary - in pounds!

Me? I am doing conscription liability as a writer. This morning we went to Changi Naval Base, where a tour on board a ship, including a free lunch at a seafood restaurant, was organised for PSC scholars. Today, a colleague (very chio one!) asked me if I was a scholar. I said I was. But when she found out that I'm just a teacher who read history at LSE, she wasn't impressed.

well, sigh.

the writer is doing conscription liability in ___________. he contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. He cannot be named to protect his identity, because freedom of speech is enshrined in the constitution. He has 338 days to go.

czech republic 0 ghana 2

2006-07-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

At work we were asked what makes us Singaporean. Well, the German philosopher Heidegger says that our identity is defined by the objects, senses and vocabulary around us. Indeed. HDB, PAP, MRT, hawker centres, Singlish, TIBS buses, GST, COE, prices rising, NS, all these are things that Singaporeans identify with and talk about, and topics by which when in a foreign land, one can identify a Singaporean from the myriads of Asians walking in the streets who come from all over the place. In Singapore, if u toked to a PR or foreigner, he would not be able to talk about these topics with the same depth and authenticity that a Singaporean can. I remember when I was in Washington and walked past a Chinese and I heard her say, "Wah...free 的 ah!" I immediately turned to my fren and said, "only a Singaporean would talk like that!" It also reminds me of a paragraph in George Eliot's Mill on the Floss, which talks about how as Tom and Maggie grew up, the landscape and ornaments of the house moulded their identity and memory, giving them that sense of attachment and nostalgia which both rooted and trapped their thoughts and actions even in adulthood.

But is our identity formed by our environment alone? Or is in innate? Is identity existential or essential? Is it inherent or chosen? Koreans borne and living in the US are American through and through. They eat sandwiches, play baseball, go drinking in pubs. Yet in 2002, when Korea played the US in the World Cup, they were divided over whether to support Korea or the US. Though they were never in Korea (no existence), they still felt an enigmatic sense of belonging to Korea because of their lineage and ethnicity. Is this invented or natural? Did their parents inculcate it to them, or do they feel this emotion simply because Koreanness is in their blood? Korea missed a penalty, the US scored 1st, but Korea equalised, & both made it to the round of 16. I suppose the Korean Americans must be the happiest.

the writer is doing conscription liability in ________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. He cannot be named to protect his identity, cos freedom of speech is enshrined in the constitution. He has 339 days to go.

liverpool 3 west ham 3

2006-05-18T03:18:00.000-07:00

i think God is really teaching me what true humility really means, to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but to consider others better than yourselves, and to look at others' interests above your own. i thought i had learnt this & mastered this, but when put in a position of responsibility, i realise i still have to learn. over this week, i have spent much time doing a ppt presentation and then have it subjected to many many points to improve by the team, in which there were members much younger than me. when they gave their criticisms, i realise that they are very competent and talented.

i have much to learn to them. and everyone has been very patient, tolerant, and gracious to me. i could have been unhappy cos this can be quite "malu" to me, to have someone older and supposedly in a position of leadership be subjected to teaching by someone younger, but i realise that everything, talents & position are actually the result of grace, and the means by which we serve others. by learning from them, i also allow them to develop their management skills and self-confidence, it allows them to exercise their talents, so they are also built up by me being teachable. In the end, I was also blessed by my teaching. And they are leaders too. They are spending 2 months serving in the church, to disciple and be disciplied. I was graciously offered this too, but I know I can't, cos I have conscription liability. This means God has other plans for me in other areas, but since this people are at the right age and point in life, and have the availability and the heart, oh, may they be built-up to the maximum to realise their potential and consolidate their direction in life. I admire their competence, their commitment, & the maturity that is beyond their years.

Everyone is a leader. God is fair to everyone. He wants us all to work together. Oh, it had to take experience to teach me this. when i read the Purpose Driven Life it had not touched my heart at yet. If God remains in me I will bear much fruit, apart from Him I am nothing. But how good God is, that if we follow His Word, we will always be blessed, because His word is breathed by Himself, & its precepts are right, and it explains how as a church we should be united in love & common purpose. as I stay home & recover from sickness after being tired out by work, teach me to be humble and peaceable. teach me to be humble and peaceable again.

The wisdom that comes from above is pure, peaceloving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy & good fruit, impartial, sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

The writer is doing conscription liability in __________. He cannot be named to protect his identity, cos freedom of speech is enshrined in the constitution. He has 393 days to go.

chelsea win premiership

2006-05-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

pple r always generous with me & i dunno how to reject them, but on the few occasions when i
attempt to be generous to them, they always decline. sigh.

today i felt pai seh and told her i really
couldn't continue to ride on her generosity...i think
my thin-skinned hurt her cos in the past i've accepted
her generosity and ate her snacks...it backfired, but
i really am confused...cannot allow pple to treat me
all the time.

yesterday my fren treated me and i said i'd treat her
back, and she chided me to just accept the treat
graciously and if i must be generous, pass on the
generosity to others. trouble is, every time i want to
be generous to another person, the person won't let me
do it. wanted to zap notes for a fren, was already
outside the shop, but my fren on the fone was so
adamant that it was not necessary that i couldn't go
ahead to do it.

also, am i pro-incumbent? i dun support incumbent politics!

the writer is doing conscription liability in ________. he contributed this article to the blog
in his personal capacity. he cannot be named to protect his identity, cos freedom
of speech is enshrined in the constitution. he has 411 days to go.

chelsea 3 manchester united 0

2006-04-30T22:58:00.000-07:00

This is my reply to article found on http://www.lyraine.blogspot.com, and reproduced below.

1. To alex: teachers are not pro-PAP. They are teachers who need to educate students on the importance of good governance. they are not obliged to be affiliated with any political party.

2. to lyraine: PM Lee Hsien Loong is still the PM. Even during elections, the government still functions. this means that incumbent ministers still have to do the job, while campaigning at the same time. According to the constitution, PM Lee only ceases to be PM if the opposition wins a parliamentary majority. in that case, that opposition party's leader takes over as PM.

3. to lyraine: i've noted ur comments on the blog. pls do not mention "eugene", the blogger's name is chelsea5manu0, I do not know where the name eugene u got it from. also, what does wtf stand for? Where's Thy Faith?

4. to lyraine: u also notice that the 2 statements made did not refer to 2001 elections or any elections at all. True names and specific references to country, event, name or situatrion whatever are withheld to protect the identity of the writer, because freedom of speech is enshrined in the constitution. (country not named). If however a specific country or event may be suspected of being alluded to in the blog's aforesaid entries, this is a sign of 做贼心虚 at work.

5. to lyraine: u help people who need help the most by first establishing who they are, whether rightly or wrongly, and then paying them more money lah!

6. to lyraine: haven't seen u for some time. hows life? let's meet up for a cup of TEA soon.

the writer is doing conscription liability in ________. he cannot be named to protect his identity, because freedom of speech is enshrined in the constitution. he has 412 days to go.
___________________________________________________

hahah!!! SCARED LIAO HOR!!!

erm.. that was NOT a reply to myself.. and the previous post.. instead it's addressed to george yeo and his team of the L-word.. you go think of what L means.. after i kenna defamation.. cannot be too obvious.. cos u see right.. in court.. i can still say.. L means LOVED ONES....

i can see KNEES shaking.. shake shake shake shake.. you see ar.. i tell you.. why would you ask someone to withdraw over a little issue like a minority certificate.. IF YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY SURE THEY WEREN'T GOING TO WIN.. where's the CONFIDENCE?? i remember just the other day.. our dearest fat friend cynthia phua say.. she very confident ar.. if so confident why u want james gomez to withdraw..

you see... how can aljunied vote.. if sylvia's team doesn't exist... so george yeo;s team is PCK.. PUA CHAO KING!!!!! mwahahahahah.. PCK PTE LTD... Pua Chao King pte ltd.. best in singapore, jb and some say batam.... hahahahah... i tell you.. my dearest Winners' Party.. you don't withdraw james gomez okok??.. cos no matter what PCK say.. i still believe in u... your policies i believe in... gst should not be implemented on healthcare.. especially for the poor.. even though the poor are more likely to need healthcare..

now.. today ar.. i received a magazine.. pwah free mag ar!!.. my mum say.. "wat a waste of resources.." ok lah.. to me.. i like reading.. last time i young right.. my mum used to "drive" me in those ntuc shopping cart.. she say.. my fingers very itchy.. even canned food also want to read.. so she always got to pluck food from my fingers.. anyway.. this magazine right.. the address talk abt micro issue.. meaning.. upgrading this upgrading that.. aiyah.. quite useless one actually.. but this sentence/paragraph..

"Staying Together, Moving Ahead" is the call of our Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong (p.s. he not PM anymore okok.. not for another 6 days.) To achieve this, the Government (same here hor.. no govt for another 6 days.. plus your party is still not the GOVT yet.. pls draw line btwn party and govt) has come out with the Progress Package which is tailored to help those who need help the most."

alamak.. me no catch ball.. i tot it was supposed to help with globalisation??? and what got staying together moving ahead got to do with progress package??? and.. alamak.. IF YOU PAY EVERYONE money.. how come you help pple who need help the most??!!!! i no understand leh...

but never mind.. the PAP give me free magnet.. of george yeo's party.. yeah lah.. that ygk still there.. as fugly as ever.. but never mind.. i got new picture of jay... i just paste over can liao..

arsenal 1 spurs 1

2006-04-24T08:50:00.000-07:00

is my EQ very low?
do I always call attention to myself & always make myself the focus of attention?
_____________________________________________________________________

i was at Tampines Junior College in the line of work, when 2 girls looked strangely at me & then tried to smile at me. confused, i went back to my seat in the tuckshop, when, suddenly i remembered. these were students i taught during my 5-week relief teaching stint at a school 3 years ago. Now the years have passed by and they are still in J2. I have moved to Clementi, but the 2 girls at the secondary school along Bedok Reservoir Rd still recognise me, remember me, & acknowledge me, cos they came up to say "Hi". & they called be my the teacher's address, & reminded me what I taught them last time in social studies with a laugh. To think about it, 1 more year & they will graduate & be heading towards university. Just to see them, & to hear them remember me, all those 5 weeks of teaching 3 years ago paid off.

if only my alma mater could value me in the same way as these 2 humble girls.

if only those peers that i hung out wif during secondary school & JC would value me as their fren, or at least acknowledge me as somebody who grew up together with them.

the writer is doing conscription liability in _________. he contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. he cannot be named to protect his identity, cos freedom of speech is enshrined in the constitution.

portsmouth 1 arsenal 1 (lualua 67)

2006-04-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

In the afternoon, 2 nice frens from Mindef (NSFs and both a yr older than me, not in uniform), came to look for me & we headed for the Gombak Specialist's mess together to try out the food. It's in a bar style with sofas and TVs for specialists to relax, they serve wine also but we didn't drink. The food is good and cheap! But we were also there for an explicit purpose. To pray.

& pray we did. 1st we chatted about personal prayer requests. Then we toked about wat we're going to do after ORD. One isn't sure...still looking for direction, but going to be an architect. Another's going to be a civil servant. & me, I'm going to be a teacher. Then we ate. Then we toked about what to pray about. Pray for unsaved frens in Mindef, for the spiritual climate in Mindef to change, pray against bureaucracy, backstabbing, complaining, passing work, materialism, etc. Pray for a positive attitude to work. Pray for the government & policy-makers. & then we really prayed - with our eyes open - but we really prayed!

this isn't what a normal person would do. but we did it. & my 2 frens were just as eager as me. Our next meeting up to pray is next Wednesday.

2 days ago, we finished a meeting & I asked my colleague, who I still treat as my fren, whether she wants to go for lunch. She didn't reply. But she was still at her desk. 20 minutes later, she had disappeared. In the canteen, she was with 4 others. 1 just celebrated her birthday last week. Another had come down from CMPB to give her a birthday present. Another is a colleague who just doesn't like me. (& she doesn't make it a secret). Another is technically my colleague but cos I'm an NSF, he's my superior. The last is the birthday girl. The table was packed, just enuff for 5 people. there was no room for 1 more. The girl from CMPB hailed. But she's resigned cos relationships in the office have grieved her. The rest didn't so much as look up. I bought a packet of rice and went back to the office to eat.

The name of my organisation means "bond". Its raison d'etre is, among others, to promote unity and comradeship nationwide.

The writer is doing conscription liability in __________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. He cannot be named to protect his identity, because freedom of speech is enshrined in the constitution. He has 421 days to go.

chelsea 3 everton 0

2006-04-18T07:32:00.000-07:00

The opposition is so confident that they purposely run in less than half of the constituency seats so that the incumbent can return to power on polling day. This is so that they can assure the population that they do not worry about voting for the opposition, because the incumbent's leadership of the parliament has been guaranteed.

Elections are compulsory to ensure that citizens can exercise their freedom.

The writer is doing conscription liability in ____________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. He cannot be named to protect his identity, because freedom of speech is enshrined in the constitution. He has 424 days to go.

bolton 0 chelsea 2

2006-04-17T07:17:00.000-07:00

ok, so most of you should know that i attended the leadership training in Johor over the Good Friday weekend, & we had 3-star hotel stay with queen-size double beds complete with Newcastle 3 Wigan 1, we had the famous Malaysia burgers that have egg and cheese inside, & we were eating big Chinese course meals at the Chinese restaurant for dinners and Malaysian buffets for lunch & breakfast, topped with 2 tea breaks a day. Then we had lessons in the cold aircon ballroom, & lotsa interactive discussions & team games. basically i learnt a lot, RM$500 was spent about each of 40 people. it's simply amazing.

So just to share some of the things I learnt. Much of it is about leadership, but here I'm toking about vision. I am not an idealistic person. In fact, idealists and visionaries used to somewhat annoy me. But this training changed me cos it showed me how important vision is. It takes you of the sordid and monotonous routine to give you a fervour, purpose & direction. It causes you to move beyond established boundaries & tried and tested methods in the hope of realising a goal that has yet to be achieved. So I say a word of apology to all those idealists out there...there really is a place for vision.

1. when we serve God we are in a journey of serving ourselves & others. when we do something for someone, this creates a value. We should be positive & see opportunities & potentials rather than weaknesses & problems.

2. vision is very important. Since each ministry is operating within the church, their respective visions should be aligned with the church vision. Vision gives us direction, purpose and motivation. We should not be caught up with the day-to-day administration or person-to-person interaction but should do all these with an eye to moving towards an ultimate goal. with a vision, we commit to planning & actualisation, we discover our strengths & weaknesses & seek to maximise our strengths, we take up responsibility and become accountable to one another, & we master ourselves & our team. we must catch vision before we can move.

3. The power of vision is Awareness - the ability to see & know the needs around you. Attitude - the faith to believe that you can make a difference. Action - exercising the courage to persevere. & Achievement - the hope to endure in the promise that you will reap what you sow.

4. So how do you develop vision? You look within you...what burdens your heart? You look behind you...what can you glean from your past experiences and insights? Look around you...what are the needs you can meet? You look before you...what is your goal? Then you look above you...what is God telling you? So vision & ministry go hand in hand.

5. once you have vision, you must communicate it clearly & effectively to your team. Get their involvement & commitment by hearing their needs & then influence them to look beyond themselves. Motivate them by attributing significance & recognition to their contributions & strengths, encouraging positive dissatisfaction & formulating clear expectations.

The writer is doing conscription liability in ___________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. He cannot be named to protect his identity, because freedom of speech is enshrined in Singapore's constitution. He has 425 days to go.

manchester united 0 sunderland 0

2006-04-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

My Personal Testimony

the original purpose of this blog is to glorify God.

Ever since I finished university studies, God has been very real in my life. I accepted Christ when I was quite young, but at that time I was quite a nominal Christian because there were a lot of things in my life that I did not allow God to take control to change me & make a difference in my life. I continued being selfish, finding it difficult to relate with people. I didn't want to do things God's way. As a result God could not be real in my life.

Things changed during my university studies. That was a very humbling experience. God showed me about what receiving His love, discipline & direction is about. Tho my grades were gd enuff, I didn't get my 1st choice study & career. I was forced to turn to God & ask Him y, & he said that this was not cos there was anything wrong with the career itself, but that cos God wanted me to do His will & my motives for choosing the career were not right. God then took time to show me how the career that I thought would suit & satisfy me actually did not, but that even tho I had to choose a teaching career cos it was the only option given me, it fitted into God's plan for my life & God had equipped me with both the gifts and passion required for it. I found my studies quite difficult & often did not do well in tests & assignments. But God always demonstrated how His grace is sufficient for me & His power is made perfect in my weakness by helping me to do well whenever it mattered. He reminded me that this was the same thruout my O & A Levels, for them, + my BA, & my MA, I always did much better when it came to the tests & projects that counted than to daily work, which was the opposite of what happened for most people.

After my university study, I came back to S'pore with a clearer sense of purpose & walking more closely with God. God had shown me the importance of a purpose-driven & God-centred life. There are 5 aspects to this life: (1) personal relationship with God, because He is our father & fren, & wants to be real in our life & make a difference, (2) fellowship with God's people, because we are all part of His family & we encourage & edify one another to fulfil our respective calling by Him, to clothe ourselves with humility, kindness, gentleness & patience to love one another as God has loved us, (3) discipleship through the church, because being actively involved in God's family & work is the best way in which we can learn what it means and live out the narrow way of following God whole-heartedly, (4) ministry of serving God, cos God said that when we do anything for the least of people in Christ's name, we do it for Him, & (5) witnessing to fulfill the Great Commission, because we are to be His witnesses by making disciples throughout the earth.

In truth following Jesus is tuff, cos there are a lot of things I must give up, there are a lot of times I must act differently, we must not think as the world thinks, & do as the world does. But altho I may qn and struggle, there is a joy about choosing this way, & I would never choose another way. This is cos we experience God's love, we know & feel His presence is with us, we grow deeper in our walk & relationship with Him, & we know we have a great reward in heaven. Thus believing in & following Jesus is more than just adhering tenaciously to a belief system, it is developing a personal friendship that can exist and blossom between the human and the divine. I now have a sense of direction, calling & future, & I am always touched by God's love for me; not only did He deliver me from my sins through giving His Son to die for me, but also that He cares enough about me to have a plan for my life & work towards fulfilling it, to use me, an ordinary person among the billions in this world for part of His great purpose, to invest time & resources into nurturing, directing & preserving me to follow His ways. Thus knowing Jesus is real, & it is worth it.

the writer is doing conscription liability in __________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. He cannot be named to protect his identity. This is because freedom of speech is enshrined in Singapore's constitution. He has 425 days to go.

real madrid 1 real sociedad 1

2006-04-10T07:02:00.000-07:00

ok. this blog is not serving its purpose, which originally is to glorify God. instead it's become an avenue for self-pity & grumbling about God's will in my life - the exact opposite. today i had lunch with my colleagues - 7 of them. we rarely do this, & it's cos 1/2 of them were down in Mindef for Pride Day. nice of them to invite me along, but really, I'm not going to give up praying in Mindef - in fact, God has always shown me that I cannot run away from His will but within His will I am really really really blessed - today I found somebody who has agreed to meet up with me during lunchtime to pray. can His will be denied?

also, today ended up in Sembawang Pri Sch. Instead of grumbling, I shall thank God. Branch Head managed to arrange it such that I take his phone calls when I'm not around (not my job, but I don't mind doing it). Instead of just passing messages, I also become a convenient person to arrow when the other person on the line needs branch head to do something (ie, to get 1 of his team to do sthing). So today went down to Sembawang Pri Sch for a meeting with the principal and a teacher. They are passionate about National Education & believe that NE should start at pri schs when young kids are just receptive. Refreshing from the typical teacher's response to NE - more work. Of course this means more work for my department. (& more work for me). I could have grumbled about it, but I don't mind wearing civilian clothes to go to visit the sch and get welcomed like a guest in the principal's office, learning from the way the principal and teacher carry themselves and talk about their school and students. Tell them about my department to hone my communication skills & show my own enthusiasm for NE. in the end, the school said they would do most of the work, & the liaison work is mainly done by other people in my office - i just only need to jot down in short form the meeting minutes, which doesn't take v long to do, & i gain so much more than if I just stayed in the office (including exploring the Sembawang area of Singapore, which I've never been). transport is paid by the government (S$19 bil in reserves). And of course, when the principal found out I'm an NSF, there's the same shock - cos my NS life is so much better than his, he found his own enthusiasm for NE tested. Hee hee.

Yes, you won't usually get such an entry on my blog cos I am a pessimistic & a realistic person. But realism can also be used to thank God. 水能载舟亦能覆舟. water can move a boat & also sink it, so everything can be used for good & bad. But I'm learning to obey God. & that's what I think this blog is supposed to be for.

the writer is doing conscription liability in ___________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. He cannot be named to protect his identity, because freedom of speech is enshrined in Singapore's constitution. He has 433 days to go.

lyon 0 ac milan 0

2006-04-05T04:09:00.000-07:00

in the office, people call me a child. the word they use is 单纯. when I try to tell them that my Christian values causes me to take a different perspective from the things that happen & try to be nice & helpful, but actually I am a very realistic & pessimistic person, they don't believe me. actually i am inclined to react pessimistically to the things that happen, but cos I need to be a witness, I need to be different, dat's y I act like that. they say I'm socially inexperienced, I'm not exposed to the vicissitudes of life (ME!!), & I come from a very sheltered background.

in the office, the number of people I find it easy & natural to talk to is actually quite few. as a result, I seldom go out for lunch wif pple in the office, & I either have to be thick-skinned & join frens from other depts (who accommodate me if I join them at the table but dun fit me into their schedules), or eat alone. I'm not a person who likes to eat alone, although I am a person who likes to eat alone. The last statement seems funnie & contradictory, but those who really know me will know what I mean. so I've taken to joining other frens or going to the gym. But I still feel sad when I see people in my dept go out together to eat. Other depts go out in groups of 4 - 6, my dept goes out in grps of 1 - 3 and there are many more cliques than usual. But God has been asking me to do something else during lunch. Lunch should be a time to prayer walk Mindef!!

I find this v hard to accept cos it's not what a normal person would do. People already say I'm odd, childish, immature, unexposed, in the office. 乳嗅未干. izzit a crime to expect to have frens to eat lunch wif in the office?

But I can't run away from God. So it looks like that's what I'm going to haf to do after all.

sigh.

the writer is doing conscription liability in __________. he contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. He cannot be named to protect his identity.

benfica 0 barcelona 0

2006-04-02T07:46:00.000-07:00

ok lah, in the end I got an A for chord, A for rhythm, and a B for song application. Didn't get straight As, but still not as bad...didn't get a B overall. Can be grateful for the grace given me. I think I will still continue to Worship Dynamics 1. not worth it to quit. will sign up, just b4 the deadline.

In a v belated b/d card sent to me, someone thanked me & appreciated me for "rubbing shoulders" with her. In the past, we had some conflicts which was created by me & most of it was my fault. A few months down the road, she has not forgotten them, but surprising, she embarasses me by thanking me for them. what does this mean? Is she saying that conflict is inevitable & it's part of my growth? Or is she saying, more likely, that she appreciates my honesty to her? But this is the not the person I want to be...I want to be a peaceable, humble person. after 10 months back in s'pore, i dun think i've achieved it. people see me more as pretentious, immature, not there yet, attention-seeking, proud, insecure, & unreliable!

the writer is doing conscription liability in _________. he contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. he cannot be named to protect his identity.

chelsea 2 manchester city 0 (drogba 30, 33)

2006-03-26T04:23:00.000-08:00

sigh.

went for keyboard presentation. after 10 weeks of lessons, this is the presentation that will give u the grade for the course. (ok lah, there was a smaller presentation in wk 6.) practised quite hard. chose a difficult song, i think i overestimate myself. 不自量力.

anyway, after the ballot i was the last to play, and when i played, i was v nervous, such that i played a chord wrongly, instead of playing C/G, I played C/E instead, & after that most stuff started to go wrong. I started to play too fast, still in rhythm, but the beat was no longer 55, i found myself going at about 100 & even the class had stopped singing the song to follow me, but i couldn't stop cos i just wanted to finish the song. verse, chorus, modulate to D major, verse, chorus, then extro, finally finish, & comments were, "chords firm, rhythm firm, but u went too fast & your pedalling is out." in my nervousness, & cos the keyboard pedal is different from my piano pedal at home, i was pedalling each time i changed the chord, instead of after. sigh. i think there goes my A. I may get a B. I really don't want to get a B.

this is ironic, cos in the evening i was just telling isabel that we should have the spirit of excellence to glorify God, not a compulsion to win so that we can gratify our own selfish ambition. i need to repent of my hypocrisy & pride. so i prayed & God told me that i'm learning this to pursue my love for music so that I can use it to worship Him, & I should do it in a stressless environment & just enjoy the music & the worship. I repent of my hypocrisy, pride & selfish ambition. I want to be sincere & practice the counsel that I give to others. I want to learn my lesson so that God does not have to make me go thru that tough discipline to learn the same thing.

this morning i played some songs using the keyboard techniques i've learnt - & hey, they really sound quite nice on the piano. the people r pressing me to move on to Worship Dynamics 1 - the fees are $288 for 12 lessons - should I? It's also a commitment to another 12 weeks of lessons.

the writer is doing conscription liability in ___________. he contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. he cannot be named to protect his identity.

tagboard

2006-03-21T06:24:00.000-08:00

got a tagboard. scroll down below to see.

real madrid 0 real betis 0

2006-03-20T07:29:00.000-08:00

my mum and aunt are trying to matchmake me with a girl. they say there's this girl interested to meet me and talk to me and ask me to go for lunch together with her.

what is this?

i am old enough and can make my own friends. and i'm not hard up.

but i want to obey my mother.

dominic, you are right. stimes it's hard to be human.

The writer is doing conscription liability in ____________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. He cannot be named to protect his identity.

chelsea 2 spurs 1

2006-03-19T02:53:00.000-08:00

& with another 1 of those NE-related events that my unit is famous for organising, & needs representatives to participate, I find myself at this old shophouse in Chinatown, attending this Image & Forum Theatre workshop at NeNemas, the education arm of Dramabox, a 2-day course actually organised for teachers to show them how to teach NE using drama. There were about 22 teachers, mostly from primary school, a couple from secondary school & ITE. the course organisers were very professional and taught us games how to use image theatre. basically everyone is divided into groups of 4 and takes turns at directing a frozen scene based on a theme - in this case, it was a divisive society. then the audience views each scene and votes the one that they can identify and resonate the most with. that scene is then re-enacted by the participants for further exploration. people talk about how they identify with the scene. the participants are asked to take both just 1 step backward each and freeze, & then 1 step forward each and freeze, so we all can explore how this scene will develop to perpetuate a society becoming more divided, and then the causes of how such a scene came about respectively. for example, 1 popular scene was a frozen one clearly re-enacting an MRT-scenario, 4 people cluster themselves but mind their own business. 1 is apparently smsing on mobile, 1 is holding onto the rung, 1 is holding onto the pole, 1 is sitting down reading. it was quite fun, but at the end the feedback from the teachers wasn't v positive, cos they said that in primary school the students had not reached the level of maturity to be able to use drama to do this kind of independent learning & reflection. wanting to salvage some face for my unit, i quickly told them that this is a good way to dovetail changes in teaching format with the recent "Teach Less Learn More" move. they can at least use drama and skits to teach, but more explanation can be given. somebody also made a good point that students should be encouraged to learn & introspect independently from young, if they grow up used to rote learning & dished-out teaching, they will not able to pick up independent learning methods so early when older. i had fun lah, glad to participate in the course, none of the other course participants knew i am actually an NSF, but they were honest enuff to say that to spend the 1st 2 days of March holidays at this course is cos they are arrowed to. o/w they looking forward to holidays when they can have a break at home in theory (come back to school and finish work w/o the students around in practice). hee hee.

the writer is doing conscription liability in ________. he contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. he cannot be named to protect his identity.

liverpool 0 benfica 2

2006-03-09T08:49:00.000-08:00

i'm fat.

mum doesn't care. tell her i need to go on a diet, she's the only 1 who can help me, she agrees, then urges me to take more noodles, which is my favourite.

chio colleague in office:

"我肥吗?"

She: 你不瘦, 老实跟你讲. 你该多做运动. 我们比较看上健壮的男人.

金玉良田言, 忠言逆耳!

oh but it doesn't matter, cos i dun wanna get married. i've always told mi frens in London this.

liverpool 0 charlton 0

2006-03-08T03:36:00.000-08:00

yesterday my colleague asked me to help her do something simple, and I objected on the grounds that it wasn't my job, leading to a confrontation, a dressing down by my branch head, the spoiling of my relationship with her, and me sending an apology to everyone on the email list. She sent an email saying she accepted my apology, but we're still not on talking terms.

this has led to another colleague (B), who doesn't like her, thinks the first colleague is dangerous (A), tries to warn me against her, & in a sense even use me as a weapon to get back at her. at lunch today, B and I were having lunch with C. B tried to get me to tell C about the bad things A had done. Every time B talked about the bad things she claims A did, C says that we shouldn't do such things, & says what's the right thing that should be done, ostensibly telling B that that's what A should have done, but I can tell that she's objectively telling me that this is what I should do!

I didn't wanna help her cos it's not my job, but in the past I wanna help others cos the Bible said so. B said, "who are you trying to be, Jesus Christ?"

I said, "yes."

and B said, "你干麻呢? 你做不到的 - 你又不是圣人." I have a reputation in the office for being too soft and kind, like a lamb that's waiting to be slaughtered.

Did I do the right thing? Telling B off in the email destroyed the relationship between B & me, destroyed the reputation that I've sought to build up, put me in a bad light to my boss & colleagues, endangered my Current Estimated Potential, put me in a precarious position cos there's been many times my colleagues have been nice & magnanimous to me & now they can always choose not to, unleashed greater politics in the office, & failed to glorify God there too.

Do I have a single friend in the office? In the office everyone has no permanent frens, just permanent interests.

The writer is doing conscription liability in _______. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. He cannot be named to protect his identity.

blackburn 1 arsenal 0 (pederson 19)

2006-02-28T04:24:00.000-08:00

well, i did start the day thinking it wouldn't be so good, but in the end it didn't turn out that bad.

in the morning there was a card on my desk from the people in the office. i did know there would be a card, cos i saw it circulating, & it's SOP for everyone, but to see it on my desk did warm my heart anyway - really it did. Most of the people wished that my dreams and wishes would come true. 1 of them - the best comment i think - said that i am a really thoughtful person - i really thank her for that encouragement. it's nice when people say nice things about you.

then 2 of my colleagues - my 2 closest ones in the office - treated me to breakfast. once again, it was really nice of them, and we had the longest breakfast ever since i started conscription liability - 1 hour 35 mins. breakfast is supposed to be 20 mins. the stall lady gave me an extra prawn, & the honeydew juice i tried was nice.

then i got 1/2 the day off. 5 minutes b4 it was time to me to go, deputy director called me up to discuss work. (it's quite typical). but she didn't take that long, i think she also knew i'm on 1/2 day today, and she promised it'd only take a few minutes. then she gave me the work to do - and guess what, the boss offered to do it for me!! Not sure if he'll actually do it, will find out when i go back tomoro, but it was v nice of him.

Spent 1st part of day off doing sthing confidential, then went to watch Rumour Has It. Movie was a drama & i had thought it was a comedy, but then it wasn't too bad. 4 months since i last watched Exorcism of Emily Rose. must watch more movies leh. then dinner at Griller at Tiong Bahru Plaza. the pasta there is actually not there.

Now my neighbour, whose b/d is on 29 Feb (yes, really 29 feb! - for pple looking for someone really born on that day, u've found 1, cos the yr 1982 when i am born has no leap year) - actually bought me a cake from Bengawan Solo! the maid came to my house to give it to me. the mother actually the mother of the boy i'm giving tuition to...someone who's v nice. always lets me sit in the study to give him tuition, switches on the air-con, and always serves soft drinks as well as snacks - sometimes v nice maple syrup dessert, sometimes bak kwa - u get the pic. this is now abt the nicest thing she's ever done, much better than the mere card i gave her yesterday. sigh - had wished she'd delivered it herself, or mebbe sent the boy, then could have invited her in for a drink - the evening is quite quiet, didn't go out. i think she's bz celebrating hers.

my mum also bought a cake - my favourite cheese cake, and my aunt baked a butter cake, & the neighbour got a chocolate coffee cake. 3 cakes for 1 b/d - hehz...

but at least the day didn't go on so bad. people are nice. it's nice of them to be thoughtful on ur special day. oh well, i'm really 24 now.

the writer is doing conscription liability in ________. he contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity. he cannot be named to protect his identity.

chelsea 3 colchester 1

2006-02-22T06:30:00.000-08:00

sigh.
didn't wanna write, but forced to.
can't even say HCI is the best school in Singapore without arousing a lot of controversy.
it is wat...located at Bukit Timah, niche in Chinese (& u noe I like chinese), highly-ranked JC, state-of-the-art facilities, special treatment for arts students, high cameraderie, produces lotsa Presidents & SAFOS scholars, good teachers & expatriates, nice-coloured uniform, affiliated with NYGH and TCHS...what more do you want?

chelsea 2 liverpool 0 (gallas 35, crespo 68, reina red card 79)

2006-02-08T03:46:00.000-08:00

people are always mistaking me for being a woman on the fone! When I gave tuition I would advertise that I am Chinese male, and when a mother calls about her son, she would say, "well, you put on the leaflet Chinese male, are you the tutor himself?" Once a mother called about her daughter and when she heard me on the fone she doubted that I was male, and decided not to take me! I suppose she should have been more enthusiastic knowing I am female, but she was freaked out thinking that this is a female masquerading as a male!

then there was the woman who was so angry on the fone with me that she finally in frustration yelled out, "Madam!"

finally, there's the best 1, the plane ticket. The 1st customer service officer kept asking if I was the 1 flying when she found out my name was ___________. I cannot be named to protect my identity.

the 2nd 1 did better. She sent me the ticket, and it was addressed as, Mdm ________! I had to wait 2 weeks for them to issue me another ticket.

The writer is doing conscription liability in ___________. HE contributed this article to the blog in HIS personal capacity. HE cannot be named to protect HIS identity.

arsenal 2 wigan 1 (but wigan win on the away goals rule)

2006-01-31T07:26:00.000-08:00

既然是华人, 而且学过这么多年的华文, 就应该多用它, 因此, 就用华语写网记. 今天能够去朋友家拜年, 吃大餐, 感到荣幸, 在融洽的一桌共享他的拿手好菜, 突然间问起彼此境况, 听说一
个朋友专门分析宝金属市场, 另一个在中国大陆北大念硕士学位, 一个即将回旧校 (华中学院) 教书, 又有一个在跨国企业工作, 自己豁然深感渺小, 咳! 目前我只不过是在服强制兵役, 到底可算出人头地吗 ? 未来是否光茫, 还是茫然?

几年不见的朋友, 全部从华初毕业, 他们踊跃地用华语津津乐道起来. 为了促进默契, 我也尝试用华语跟他们沟通, 很明显的, 我的华语比他们的逊色, 问题是, 他们为我试用华语而感到惊讶. 不来自华初, 就不能用华语与他们对话吗? 想到这里, 我为当初缺勇气改上华初而更感遗憾忧愁了.....

本作者目前在___________ 服强制兵役. 他以私人身份提供上篇文章.

bolton 1 arsenal 0 (stelios 84)

2006-01-29T17:31:00.002-08:00

Take these tests, then share ur results.

Love Test

IQ Test

MBTI test

The Mixed Messenger
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLDm)

Just...take...the...fucking...flower...darling. The Mixed Messenger apologizes again.

You're looking for love, but you'll always maintain your independence. You're prepared for a real commitment, but it's also likely that you're ambitious, which creates a certain romantic tension and ambivalence within you. So although you can be very affectionate to someone, you are also capable of pulling some dubious shit.

In a relationship, you're usually the emotional leader. With your friends, you're a little bit more part of the pack. You're well-liked but you're not the uninhibited type, so the spotlight's often on someone else. In both social and romantic situations, however, you almost always get what you want. Influencing people is something you do very well.

luton 3 liverpool 1 (aft 53 min), cisse miss penalty 50

2006-01-07T23:32:00.000-08:00

we were sharing about how the past year went. actually it was a year full of ups and downs, if i really bother to remember it properly.

Jan 2005: holiday to Minnesota, Wisconsin, Tennessee, Georgia, Florida, Illinois. Disneyworld & Chicago. Mall of America. University of Wisconsin Madison. Almost Universal Studios, but in the end we didn't go there.

Jan 2005: new class on the Cold War in which whole class is intellectual, experienced and articulate and everyone fights to speak up (not fights to keep quiet). if you keep quiet you get picked on. Lecturer has to get people to take turns (not 1 -3) but (1 - 10) to give their views and by the time u get to number 7 people have already cut in and the order is lost. teach me how to be humble. this was an International Politics class. in the School of International and Public Affairs. and the lecturer is simply excellent. so impressed by his insights...historian, diplomat, sociologist, lawyer all rolled into one. The class talked about history, politics, economics, culture, nationalism, structure & theory, sociology, law, and philosophy. Struggled with the essays for the class. He was quiet lenient with me in the end. Just made it through.

May 2005. long-awaited graduation, plus trip to niagara falls, 8 hours back & forth. on the bus where i read the book about Christian worldview. should be proud of Christian identity, beliefs should make a difference to ur life. was celless, churchless, & also communityless. didn't have a grp to belong to....

May 27 2005: joined NTU cell. Introduced by James, who referred me to Kimberly, Kimberly brought me into Room 303 and left me there for her own cell group. Was v scared. worship leader remarked that they had unfamiliar people with them that day. Got to know Kailoon, Eik Sheng.

Jun 6 - 8 2005: joined holiday NTPS T2T programme. Amazingly fast transit, got to know Keith, Zhiew Li, Carmen, Pauline, Peter, Franco, KW & others. Saw church ministry in action. Was happy that they gave me a chance to be involved. Without having to go thru much equipping or paperwork. Just went straight in.

Jun 11 2005: Attended cell officially for 1st time. Ruyi was also new. Got to know Kelvin, Zhuling, Joline, Melissa, Ingrid.

Jun 13 - 16 2005: joined Urban Race camp. Amazingly fast transit, from cell to church camp. Learnt about being salt & light. Saw how COOS Urban Race is run. came out of the camp learning of the importance to make a difference. Introduced to Ben, Eugenia, Chris,

Jun 27 2005: Started conscription liability. Actually I can't believe I haven't thanked God...my liability is so easy and so good. 8 - 5:30 every day in an air con office, with v little work to do, no regimental duties, a nice and relaxed boss, 5-day week.

September 2005: became cell treasurer. Also joined T2T. started out with class of 4 Sec 1s. 2 of them asked me to teach them to play the guitar. formed more friendships. saw church administration in action. I started this blog!!

December 2005: M@D camp. Understood the rigours of real church service. Learnt a lot about humility, perseverance and the real reason y we are serving. Got to know Bryan, Benjamin, Camellia, Ho Wai, Liane, Marcus, Louis, Greg. Saw COOS kids building bridges with community youths. Saw community youths learning about the true meaning of Christmas in a very hands-on and experiential way. Saw both joining hands to organise a party for community kids to share the joy of Christmas with them. I learnt about the true meaning of Christmas myself. Christmas 2001 was holidaying in Scotland. Christmas 2002 was holidaying in Germany. Christmas 2003 was preparing to pass driving test in Singapore. Christmas 2004 was staring at the huge Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center in New York. Christmas 2005 - it isn't Christmas until it happens in ur heart.

December 2005: CCIQ. big free 8-course dinner in front of COOS. (in chinese - yeah!) talked to student's mother who is a divorcee. (in chinese - yeah!) learnt about her troubled family life. here i am really in the heart of church ministry in the space of 6 months. Before this queenstown didn't mean anything to me.

December 2005: Christmas party at Nat's place. Got lotsa presents. Lotsa presents from church also. Left me wondering at what stage am I at with my friendships in the cell. But walk with God has a long way to go. Work in progress. Interpersonal relations also got to work on.

The writer is doing conscription liability in __________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity

chelsea 2 huddersfield 1

2006-01-07T17:27:00.000-08:00

love is patient, kind, not proud, rude, self-seeking. doesn't boast, envy, or record wrongs or delight in evil. it rejoices with truth, always protects, hopes, trusts, perseveres.

i think this yr i must learn how to love. i haven't been able to love a lot of people. i'm not patient, quite rude, capricious, & I am too pessimistic to hope & trust in many people. i feel insecure that a lot of things they do are personal attacks against me. sometimes i'm rude, self-seeking & envious.

a lot of people have said that i am very quiet at times. this is cos i think i talk too much. but maybe they prefer me to talk more. in fact i think they prefer me to be jovial & approachable rather than restrained. therefore i shall learn to be more balanced in speech and listening. talk when it's necessary. say things that are interesting & edifying to others. try to be even-tempered, humble, willing to share, other-centred, gentlemanly, & patient.

sigh.

the writer is doing conscription liability in _______. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity.

arsenal 0 manchester united 0

2006-01-04T06:29:00.000-08:00

today i was talking to a neighbour, and she was sharing that she is a Thai who is now working as a property agent in Singapore. In other words, she's a new, naturalised citizen. She's foreign talent. Her son, being a 2nd-generation PR, has to do conscription liability. Upon hearing that I am doing conscription liability, she said, ok, boy, you can talk to Uncle _______ (!! - am I old?) - ________ - you can talk to him about his [conscription liability], i'm sure he'll have lotsa _interesting exciting_ stories to tell u!

(I cannot be named to protect my identity)

Then she said, now, son, you see, [conscription liability] is something every boy in Singapore must do. It is something to be proud of.

I did not know whether to clap or to gasp. To solve the dilemma, I just smiled. She is a new citizen, whom, I think, attended a talk at BMTC for new citizens on national education, where they are told about the importance of defence and conscription liability.

You see, the difference between washing the brain and washing the drain is that the letter b is changed to the letter d.

Here's the catch:

Guess which organisation in Singapore wrote the script for New Citizens on the importance of defence and conscription liability?

Guess whose job it is to draft and update those scripts now? (!!!)

The writer is doing conscription liability in _________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity.

PS: As for the question whether I am old, well, I'm as fat as I am old.

aston villa 0 arsenal 0

2006-01-01T21:50:00.000-08:00

Singapore is our homeland. but we need not stay at home all the time. We are not couch potatoes. We are venturing entrepreneurs.

We must preserve racial & religious harmony. But within that framework, we must also spread the good news of Christ's salvation.

We must uphold meritocracy & incorruptibility. Not just in Singapore, but also in the United Nations.

No 1 owes us a living. Jesus gave me life.

We must ourselves defend Singapore. We have no choice.

We have confidence in our future. Cos God says that He knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me & not to harm me.

The writer is doing conscription liability in __________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity.

chelsea 2 birmingham 0

2006-01-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

Resolutions from the New Year:

1. Singapore is my homeland.
2. I must preserve racial & religious harmony.
3. I must uphold meritocracy & incorruptibility.
4. No one owes Singapore a living.
5. I must myself defend Singapore.
6. I have confidence in our future.

The writer is doing conscription liability in ________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity.

birmingham 2 manchester united 2

2005-12-30T06:01:00.000-08:00

Doing conscription liability in ________ is a nice thing. yesterday I got to watch 4 video tapes, all on the tsunami, which helped me to learn more about them, how they were formed, & y they hit where they did. Can take away 2 things: first, that reconstruction is not just about rebuilding houses, infrastructure, & amenities, but it can involve changing the entire physical & human landscape, eg in Thailand unrelated people who lose their spouses cohabit to support one another at the expense of village gossip, previously anonymous & homogenous fishing villages not only recover their fishing industry but with the help of international NGOs learn embroidery and become more heterogeneous & in contact w surrounding villages that serve as a market for their products, rebuilding houses is not a simplistic process but can involve complex legal and psychological implications etc. Second, that the reason why the tourists in Thailand did not expect the tsunami until it came was cos when the earthquake set off the tsunami, it set it off in a series of peaks & troughs. Thailand beach was a part which received the troughs first, and people there were mesmerised by the sudden uncanny low tide at the wrong timing. 1 hour later, the peak, about 108 miles away & travelling at about 100 mph, hit them with full force.

later yesterday we had Life activities - something that it meant to be every Thursday. we get to, during office hours, to exercise - we can swim, play badminton, use the gym, or just have a leisurely walk. And i went to use the gym. the weighing machine there wasn't very kind. But I value honesty.

then today to celebrate end of year we had a celebration in a function room in Alexandra. the branch heads sponsored pizza and other food & drinks, & we also had games like guessing the christmas carol ( a bit belated, but the strains of Rudolph & Silent Night were still nice, and also dance revolution - people are supposed to dance and when the music stops, form groups, and people without a group would be eliminated). i realise that it is difficult to have this kind of "icebreaker" among people conscious of various ages and ranks, are more used to seeing people as colleagues rather than friends, and where the wicked concept of the "other" has crept in to factionalise an idealistically integrated department. The icebreakers weren't very successful, as people didn't really want to guess the carols and the entire branch had to come up to sing the carols together even tho many of them didn't know, so it wasn't as much fun as a concerted exercise to promote cameraderie. but i really appreciate the cohesion committee who planned it, especially the two who worked overtime to produce the exquisite goodie bags. We also sang Auld Lang Syne at the end. I think it's an appropriate song. there's a lot there must be forgiven, & forgotten. One of them even gave me a New Year present - something I never expected! This is a strange kind of conscription liability - to be exposed to the beautiful function room with top-notch leisure facilities in the government office, to enjoy food and games, to not be asked to help when usually conscripts are given the work to do, and to be given goodie bags! Thank God for this so special, special conscription liability.

New staff officer has come in, she's also my age, which makes the 3 of us who are 23 yrs old, me and 2 other fresh graduates, 1 from NUS Psychology, & yes, the other is from NTU mass comm, had Ingrid as a classmate, saw Joanne Peh in a lecture theatre before, and is from SAJC making her from the same batch as Lin Junjie, Hong Junyang, Michelle Teo, Esther and Nat, etc etc. But she says she doesn't know you, Esther, Nat, Ingrid, if you do happen to read this, have u heard of Lee Ailing?. That makes it 2 vacancies for staff officer (Comm Studies/Political Science/Regional Studies), and 1 branch head. thank God that we can clique. Barely known her a week and she trusts me enuff to invite me for breakfast with her, tell me about her bf, and confide in me about how people in the office finds her and how she is doing. Thank God also lunch on Thursday, where my breakfast was 45 minutes and lunch was 1 hr 40 minutes, if u add in the videos, reading of the newspaper, and Life activities, actual time doing conscription liability (what people call washing the drain) was 0.

Lunch was spent with this great friend of mine - a humble idealist, and we talk about civil service, NS, idealism and realism, religion and agnosticism, policy and decision-making processes, career paths, technocracy & meritocracy, human resource selection, studying abroad, etc. He's a great listener. He's also idealistic enough to share about abstract stuff and wonder about people and things - somehow we can clique, even tho I dun think I am an idealist. He equates materialism with secularism - employing a strange dictation cos he claims to be agnostic, but he's open enuff to not reject when I tell him about Christianity. He can't really deny my argument that God's ways are higher than man's ways, because man is a self-contained entity which therefore has a limited scope of cognition, his inability to perceive at a dimension beyond him (ie divine) would parallel to an ant's inability to understand the way a man can think and act, and therefore he requires faith, a variant of reason that provides a direction towards an absolute, albeit subjective, to believe God is God. Problem is, this doesn't make him more receptive to the claim that the Christian God is supreme and that the Christian way is the Way. Well, hope to have more lunches with him. If you're wondering why this article seems so positive, it's cos a New Year's resolution, one that is heavily belated and repeated, is to be less pessimistic. It's difficult, cos I equate pessimism with realism. The solution is when you approach something pessimistic with a thankful attitude, it somehow becomes less bad than it first appeared to be.

The writer is doing conscription liability in ________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity.

chelsea 3 fulham 2

2005-12-27T05:00:00.000-08:00

as i watched contestant after contestant demonstrate their gifts of the gab (in chinese!) on the programme 超级主持人, i am really filled with awe, as they are really fluent and incisive in their thinking. my mind rolls back to my JC days, when I joined Debaters but never really made it, cos I am the quiet, unexpressive, compliant sort, and tend to be nervous and ungrammatical when I am really given the stage. but the ability to stand with such poise and confidence, and speak with flair and fluency, is really an admirable one, and from today on, i still want to develop and hone my ability to speak. also, of course my chinese. these people are describing unforeseen objects and linking them in a story while connecting them to a prepared speech - in chinese. i'm really amazed by their abilities. one thing i realise about myself - i am only able to command a conversation in chinese if i start it, if i don't really know the person and start introducing myself in chinese. so for people that i always speak to in chinese, i feel more comfortable articulating and communicating, but for people that i am used to speaking in english, i am unsteady when i try to make a switch. when i sleep i dream that i am also standing in the centre, dressed in suit and tie, fluent in mandarin, and the stage is mine for that few minutes. there is a gap between a dream and reality.

but thank God, He did give me the chance to develop powers of speech in chinese. now my mind rolls back to that time when I went to Shandong Normal Middle School affiliated to Shandong Shifan University (山东师范大学第而附属中学). That was a yr ago, as part of a cultural-educational exchange programme organised by MOE. Since MOE encourages Chinese students to come to Singapore to study (& most of them go to Dunman High, Nanyang Girls & TCHS), it's time that Singaporeans can also go to visit schools in China. So 6 of us went - I think 2 went to Beijing, 1 to Shanghai, I went to Shandong, and 2 others went to another part which I can't remember. we weren't supposed to teach, just to observe the lessons, but in the end, I taught 2 13-yr-old classes on Introduction to History, and 1 on the Opium War. I had to write out nearly the entire script of the lesson, and I'm not sure if I pronounced 瑷珲条约 correctly, but thank God, the students were very supportive, and MOE provided a translation of the technical jargon for the policies, acronyms and systems regarded to our education system.

sometimes i wonder, since I am doing conscription liability in ___________, & will go onto career after that, should i still invest the money & time to develop myself? There are 5 interests I haven't really pursued...1 is debating or public speaking. Alas, I was not good enuff to make it to the school debating team, so debating was a hobby that soon faded out when studies and core ECA got too bz. 2nd is playing chinese chess. in secondary school and JC i alwas remained in the reserves and fringes of the team, and often my games were meant to try to force a draw with the opposition powerhouses so that the real good people could concentrate on thrashing the weaker opponents of the team. 3rd is singing. People say I have a potential pitch, but my voice is not trained, & i find it hard to sing from my diaphragm. i didn't make it into secondary school choir, and joined an ECA which gave me a good grace to go JC but...

4th is playing piano. actually i love music...but i love music when instrumental accompaniment & celestial voice synergise together to produce those alluring strains, like with piano and guitar combine in the background, the stage lights are set, and 彭羚 comes out, commands the centre stage, and pours out her heart into the microphone with the song, "嫉妒", and the audience is submerged in the spellbinding beauty of the voice and emotional intensity of the song's cry. 3rd is playing the piano...it sounds horrible when u r playing the scales, & when u can't even play it perfect, but if u know the piano enough to play 孙燕姿's 天黒黒 just like she herself sings and plays in the MTV, then all the years of practice is worth it. When I was young I was not mature enuff to unnerstan this.

5th is learning more chinese. there was a dim thought of trying to take chinese lit at JC, to delve into chinese poetry and prose "红楼梦" etc etc in JC. But I had no chance to go HC, to continue taking Chinese in place of C Maths (in the end, there was quite a lot of C Maths which I didn't enjoy, especially the endlessly boring and demoralising lectures, & the classes I had to take on geometry & statistics), or even to go down the unconventional route.

now i try to help myself. i still occasionally play chinese chess with my brother. He has great potential. He's definitely going to be the JC school team forefront, to do what I couldn't do. I try to speak chinese to everyone I can speak chinese to. I sing chinese songs at karaoke whenever i get the chance. i applaud those who can play the piano (some of u oreidi immediately noe u r the people i am toking about). I'm going to be a teacher, so i'll be still doing some public speaking, tho chances for me to talk in chinese will only to be the parents since i won't be teaching chinese.

actually i had a 6th dream. that is to be like carlo cudicini, who used to keep goal for chelsea and is an italian international, albeit not the 1st one. this is a dream...need I say more?

the writer is doing conscription liability in ___________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity.

Newcastle 1 arsenal 0 (shearer 82, gilberto red card 54)

2005-12-25T06:56:00.000-08:00

Reason I am going back in history is cos Chelsea only playing Fulham on 26 Dec.

I have been SO blessed this Christmas. Really thank God...thank God for giving me the chance to serve in the camp, to see people touched and happy when they are singing the camp carols, playing the games, eating with friends at the party, acting in the skit, and signing autographs with friends they now have built bridges with. everything now becomes worth it...all the work, the arguments i have had with camp president. thank God for all the gifts COOS has given me...1 thing COOS doesn't seem to care about is that i am new...but no, i've been given a chance to serve, and at the Christmas party I gave 1 present & some packet drinks - & I got a sumptuous meal, 2 cards, a tin of biscuits, a photo frame, a candy cane, & a bookmark. For the camp, I got 2 really nice collar t-shirts, 1 black 1 white, 2 books, $25 worth of Tangs voucher, a free 8-course meal, free dessert, just been SO...SO blessed. Yet for some reason, 1 of the things I do least is to thank God, in fact, even to mention Him in the things I do. Also want to thank Camp com president for her magnanimity and selfless good-heartedness, the love of God that shines thru her to forgive someone like me. this morning, I was v self-conscious as usual, but really heartened to see the salvation of Huiyan & Xinqi, the same depth of emotion I felt when I saw Anan raise his hand during altar call at the camp. it's been a long time since i saw salvation in which i was involved, was glad that yisheng brought all the chinese frens here...relating with them, in chinese, reminds me of when I was in the US, & half the people on my floor & 3rd floor were from Taiwan, HK & the mainland, & I talked to them in chinese, & also when I did the exchange in Shandong 2 years ago, & they were so hospitable, letting me stay in a 3-star hotel & inviting me to see their classes including the English classes, especially the English teacher there...who was so humble & friendly & willing to engage with me that I really look up to him.

Got a chance to teach history to 2 yr 1 classes - that was in the introduction to history, but to teach to the yr 2 class was a bit more tricky - I had to teach them the Opium War - in chinese! And then I also had to talk to the history department about SIngapore's education policies - & discuss both countries' policies, orientations & school organisation - in chinese. MOE did a good job by providing us with all the policies and acronyms in chinese translation - really think I learnt a lot. Today, even though I have stopped learning chinese for many years, still think it's 1 of my fave subjects - and i think i express myself better in this language, and can relate with people better when i tok to them in chinese. many people r put off by chinese cos its difficult to learn & master. but actually, if they commit themselves to speak & write it often, & have a good attitude to keep learning, it's really a beautiful, expressive, poetic language. thank God for the china attachment,

but before my mind started to hyperlink, I was talking about their salvation, well, I was touched by their openness, Xinqi himself beckoned to me to go in front with him, and Huiyan who was sitting beside me boldly opened her mouth to say prayer after Head pastor. Anyway, Xinqi is amazingly open about the Bible & ready to embrace Christianity - he said he had read the Bible about the wise men coming to bear gifts to the Messiah, & he compared them with what he watched in the play. & he has a most unusual name - 昕其. it's the first time I've seen that character, but it means sunrise & dawn. when he came up to the front he actually shared that he didn't feel ready, but when i checked if he was ok with taking the step of the faith, he had actually done it, so let's hope that in the days to come, he'll really find out more about Christ & receive His love! i'm just SO happy for him - and Yisheng...dunno y. last time i couldn't care less one. need God to touch my heart.

wanna thank all those who gave presents, cards, SMSes, & wishes this christmas season. to all those who gave, i do desire to be closer to you all, & to get to know u better. it has been a great christmas. tonight just had a good talk with entire family - the first time in a long time the whole family sat down to have dinner together & tok about happy things for 2 hours at a stretch - am really happy.

just fallen in love with a new song - 张惠妹 - 记得. it's the 16th time i am listening to it now. i love its intensely lamenting buildup, something which A-mei and others like 那鹰 & 周蕙 are famous 4.

the writer is doing conscription liability in ________ Office. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity.

doncaster 2 arsenal 2 (AET)

2005-12-24T00:02:00.000-08:00

3rd writing since this blog renaissanced.

i haven't written anything about the camp. i guess i haven't shared much either, tho the others have showed their Timor & China camps & videos.

well, this camp has left me feeling quite tired, cos I didn't imagine the extent of commitment and stamina required, and has also left me awed with pauline's energy, organisational skills and selflessness vis-a-vis my own inadequacy.

the first day at the camp, the non-christians didn't seem to gel v well with the rest, some of them were even upset at being separated from their siblings and cousins. but the feedback in the end was that they all enjoyed the outer games, called Amazing Grace, in which they learnt about the story of Christmas thru a treasure hunt type of game around the Queenstown neighbourhood. the 2nd day the campers started learning the songs and skit for the christmas party. at the 3rd day, when i saw them performing the skit and songs together with the church campers, the non-christians singing the christian carols, and playing their roles in the skit, whether as narrator, angel, villager, innkeeper, pregnant Mary, lame man, i knew that they had learnt the story of christmas. this education will remain in their heads. they cannot forget, and people cannot take it away from them. (it's just as effective as national education - the courses I've attended about using drama, stories, videos, pledge, national anthem, invented traditions - to communicate responsible citizenship and justify conscription liability. )

the next step is for them to accept it in their hearts. the same person who was upset at being separated from her cousin was playing the pregnant Mary very well, excitedly singing the Christian carol, "go, tell it on the mountain, over the hills & everywhere that Jesus Christ is born", mixing and gelling well with the church campers, and going around collecting autographs by the third day. i'm so glad that bridges have been built, and the message of Christmas has been imparted, an irreversible deed. this gives some meaning to the month of administration, meetings, stress, time, etc that has been put in.

arsenal 0 chelsea 2

2005-12-21T06:06:00.000-08:00

this blog is coming back, and this is the 2nd posting I'm making in a night.

reinhold niebuhr is an american theologian. he is the one who said, "God give me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, & the wisdom to noe the difference." but he also made a very insightful point about how individual benevolence is often subverted by collective imperfections.

Many people question the theory that after the first man sinned, sin came into the world, therefore society as a whole is flawed. but while people can argue that many individuals show magnanimity, charitability, goodness, etc, they concede that man also has to contend with selfishness, egotism and corruption. A person may be able to overcome negative inclinations, but when these are projected upon the macro level, they erupt and depict the fallen world as a whole. If u ask a farmer in America whether he would donate to the poor in Africa, I am sure he would. But as a collective, they have to consider their rights and interests, or at least take them into consideration. Result? The Doha Round fails to lead to rich countries opening their markets freely for developing countries to import, because they need to protect their agricultural interests.

liverpool 0 sao paulo 1 (mineiro 26)

2005-12-21T05:34:00.000-08:00

many people are angry about melvyn tan cos they think he got off too lightly, because he makes a mockery of the importance and significance of conscription liability, and because he was able to get out of it cos he was a rich kid.

well, the first thing is that, by going to the UK to further his talent, he actually renounced Singaporean citizenship. this means he forfeited by choice the benefits of citizenship - cheap public housing, compulsory retirement savings, subsidised education and health care, etc. the issue of whether these carrots of citizenship are really substantial enuff to prevent many people from following in others' footsteps is another matter - his 1st penalty is that he oreidi had to go without them.

the second thing is with regards to his breaking the law. when one breaks the law, he is liable to be tried by the legal civil court. the military has nothing to do with this. the singapore constitution, which enshrines freedom of speech, also states that the judiciary is independent. therefore neither public opinion, assessment of public reaction or the military should influence the court's decision. the court's decision, which is based on a judgment of both the precedents and the severity of the case so as to warrant its penalty, did not justify a sentence more punitive than what already meted out to him. the effectiveness of its deterrence is a separate issue, cos one cannot assume that the verdict is meant to serve a deterrent purpose. should the military attempt to intervene or question the judgment, this may lead to a barrage of international protest or queries over the sanctity of Singapore's constitution and human rights, which may cause more tricky diplomatic problems.

the third issue is his wealth enabling him to submit, and relinquish, a bond amounting to a present day. to get around this problem, an analogy can be made to that of posting bail. When a person is under reasonable suspect of being guilty of a crime, he is detained, but if he is financially able, he can exchange temporary freedom until trial even though this may be detrimental to society. likewise, when a person dies, sometimes his employer (if he dies in service), or his insurance company (where he purchases policies of life security), will cede pecuniary compensation to his family. of course it is never a perfect substitute for a life, but it is a means to approach and assuage the loss in value. therefore it is not whether NS can be quantified in monetary terms - it cannot, but that a huge sum of money is about the best means one can institute to limit NS default. Suppose some other penalty is imposed to deter people leaving the country at a young age never to return - a penalty that is extremely difficult to deliver or face. would people then turn around and argue that this constitutes an unreasonable restriction on personal freedoms, that a person cannot leave Singapore (and he promises by bond to return if not forfeited)? what about the worth that the state can expect to gain when it invests in the departure (whether permanent or temporary) of a talent to tap potential overseas in the hope that he can return to accrue greater value?

the public is rightfully angry about the travesty of justice that is so ostensible in this incident. However this does not involve legal justice, or objective justice, but subjective justice, or perceived justice. As I am not trained in legal jargon, I will need to request that readers bear with me on this assumption of legal licence here. The state's response of reiterating the fundamentals of conscription liability will not pacify because it is precisely that the public has been educated to believe in the necessity of NS that they are indignant about the default.

The state, then, should encourage the public to move on, and to continue advocating the values behind NS. One can draw from the example of the NKF. It is very clear that a travesty of justice has occurred, because public trust and philanthropy have been betrayed by self-seeking individuals and corporate mismanagement. However the need to remember the poor is an enduring value. Therefore the public should not allow an incident imperfection to eliminate their charitability but continue to recognise the value of benevolence. Otherwise the poor will suffer, society will suffer and the nation will suffer. And the public did bounce back from the event. Since $600,000 is considered peanuts, at the President's Star charity, they donated $3.4 million - once again, digging into their pockets to benefit the needy. Likewise for the Melvyn Tan issue. The people must restate and renew their commitment to NS. Otherwise neighbouring countries with possible inimical intent may exploit it to their advantage.

The writer is doing his conscription liability in ____________. He contributed this article to the blog in his personal capacity.

man united 0 villareal 0

2005-11-24T05:22:00.000-08:00

on watching "8 simple rules" and seeing them celebrate Thanksgiving, I suddenly remember that indeed tonight, 4th Thursday of November, is thanksgiving in the US. and suddenly all the memories flood back to 23 Nov 2004, where I spent thanksgiving in my Singaporean friend's Singaporean friend's apartment, 10 minutes walk from Chinatown in Manhattan, New York, where there was both the traditional turkey and the traditional mee siam and chicken rice (traditional here is used in 2 senses of the word). and i remember how my friend had invited the clique of us 3 - as a group of 4 - to her fren's place - later the group of 4 became a group of 5 - and we also met her other singaporean friends, many of whom were working and living in new jersey and had made that drive to new york.

sigh. so fast 1 year has flown. on that night, i was so happy because the moment i stepped into the apartment, with its asian decor, smell of singaporean food, and the singaporean accent, even with the turkey and red wine and everything, it was like coming home to a nice 4-room HDB flat, what with its TV-set, and seeing a catered buffet on the table waiting for you. that night i was happy because it was the first genuine singaporean night i had had since being in the US for almost 3 months by then, now, exactly a year later, i reminisce about the US experience; at that time, the weather had started to get quite cold, and the milestones came at the end of each month, end of October was Halloween, where the 4 of us (but mi fren got lost because there was a crowd of 20000) donned on masks, me of a duck, my friend with a vampire's cape, and another fren who dressed up as a skeleton bride - and walked about 2 km along 2nd Avenue from 8th Street to 23rd Street, and we saw all kinds of costumes - from 1 who dressed up as a terrorist with an airplane stabbed into his costume, to people walking on stilts, to people who dressed up as animals, to cross-dressers, to people who dressed up as John Kerry and George Bush, cos Halloween 2004 happened to be just 2 days before the presidential elections.

the presidential elections was spent watching TV at another friend's place, where we had a cookout, and i also invited my irish american fren along. And then the next milestone was Thanksgiving, the end of November, then Christmas. Christmas Eve was at my friend's place. We had gone to Chinatown in the morning to get all the food, and then the afternoon was spent watching the movie Phantom of the Opera, before we gathered at my friend's amazingly beautiful hotel-like apartment, on 66 Street (Lincoln Center), where New York's equivalent of the Esplanade in name, but superior in grandeur, is. amazing that she paid only about US$100 more per month for the rent than I did, and that includes internet and utilities! And we had a great christmas eve dinner, of chicken, vegetables and rice, and we guys didn't do the cooking so we washed the dishes, then after that the 7 of us went out into the cold (it wasn't snowing, but i remember last year the snow came late, and we waited until the morning of Dec 21, 1 pm, before the first mound of snow fell on New York). We took the subway down to 59th street, (Columbus Circle), and walked down 5th avenue, 7th avenue all the way to 55th street, to look for a church where we could attend Christmas eve service. The service lasted till midnight exactly, Christmas Day, and then my friend asked me to see her home, all the way back to 66th street, and we went into her apartment and sat down there and talked for 5 hours. A guy and a girl sitting in a hotel apartment lobby on Christmas morning, having a rendezvous for 5 hours! (don't worry, she's got a bf). Ironically, across the Pacific, 13 hours ahead, the tsunami was just about to strike.

The next milestone was late January, where I went to my friend's place to bake cookies, and stayed the night there, while there was a snow blizzard out, and we ordered chinese takeaway, part of the american culture, and the university had warned that they would close school if the snow blizzard did not let out, and after dinner we spent the night talking about how we could use cosmetics to improve my appearance. then chinese new year, when at my hostel we gathered at the 3rd floor to have steamboat, but it was steamboat with 3 singaporean chinese, 2 taiwanese chinese, 1 mainland chinese, 1 indian, 1 cameroonian, and 1 moroccan. then the end of february, when we had my birthday dinner, ordered malaysian takeaway, just the 4 of us, and ate cheesecake at midnight in my room. oh, how the memories come flooding back! i have no fotos, cos i'm not a foto-taker, but such things are not so easily forgotten.

heidegger says that the objects around us help us acquire a sense of identity. this is true. we cannot forget even those mundane objects that we come into contact with every day, and they become more significant when we move away from them. the hostel i stayed in, the room number, walking up and down from 110th street to 118th street, the school buildings, the subway at 42nd street, 110th street and 116th street, chinatown, the shop where i bought all the 叉烧酥 and egg tarts, the US$4 barber shop that also played mahjong along the quiet chinatown street, the dirty chinatown market, the elaborate new york cinemas, the beautiful theatre where i watched the first musical - 42nd street, the lousy theatre where i watched Avenue Q, in which mi fren and I won the lottery to get 1st-row seats at 1/2 price and which pushed Phantom of the Opera from 2nd to 3rd place with les miserables rooted still in 1st place. According to Avenue Q, when the guy says, "come", the girl takes the "e" out and insists on "com-mitment." the addition of "mitment", with the hard and cutting "t" sound takes the bite and excite out of the short and sweet allure of the monosyllabic and flat "come". the classrooms where i received my stress, the chinese lecturer who 1st rejected my thesis proposal and later took a foto with me when i graduated (Prof 卢小波), the kitchen where i learnt that you can boil chicken to cook it, then leave it in the pot to roast without adding oil to give it taste (and save oil, money and fat), the gym where i lost 9.5 kg by going 2-3 times a week, the pull-up bar machine in the gym...

reached singapore singapore time may 20, it has been just about 6 months since i've come back, where i've begun my next phase of life in Singapore, how, my dear self, do you think these 6 months have been? 4 aspects - conscription liability, finding pple to teach, finding a church to settle in & a new group of frens to belong to, and doing my part in the family - how far have I come? ...university life is now something to remember. wish that those who still have it to experience will cherish it. when reality transits to memory, does it really move from tangible to intangible? No, I carry them with me, so they still remain steeped in reality, an inseparable part of me, rooted in my identity?
see

fren's posting

chelsea 3 newcastle 0

2005-11-20T21:00:00.000-08:00

既然是华人, 就应该多用华语. 目前, 正在我思潮起伏时, 有两片棉巾塞进了嘴巴右边,助止拔牙后的血流和疼痛. 记得两个月前, 23 岁的我, 还有父母亲开车送我到医院去, 在动手书的床上, 我不由自主地不停地颤斗, 医生护士难相信我是大学毕业生. 这次, 我自己去, 督促自己不可以怕, 男子汉大丈夫, 不应该怕, 何况有打麻, 有止痛药, 又有经验. 问题是动手术时你还醒着,虽然看不见, 但你能听能感受他在做什么, 你知道医生在用力, 血在溅. 护士说她认得我. 咳! 过了两个月, 病人进进出出, 她却认得我. 我很惭愧. 我紧闭眼睛, 回念老歌词:

draw me close to u, nvr lemme go
i lay it all down again to hear you say that i'm ur fren
u r my desire, no 1 else will do
cos nuttin' else can take ur place, or give the warmth of ur embrace
help me find the way, bring me back to u

u're all i want, u're all i ever needed.
u're all i want, help me noe u r near.

霍然间, 我似乎听到5 个字: 神与你同在. 这是我很年幼时就接触到的真理, 一来, 脑里深明, 心里却少处真正领受到. 这次, 医生又快又粗, 我却心里疏畅自然, 毫无惧怕. 一转眼就完了. 在正场, 我要显得成人懂事, 在心目中, 我宁愿做上帝怀里的赢儿.

I have stilled and quieted my soul. Like a weaned child is my soul within me. Put your hope in the Lord now & 4evermore. Psalm 131:2-3.

liverpool 1 chelsea 4 (lampard 27 pen, duff 43, cole 63, geremi 83)

2005-11-14T06:14:00.000-08:00

sigh.
my mother is a good mother. i came back with my two brothers from dinner at NYDC to see her cleaning all the toilets and the kitchen sinks. i was quite tired, but i asked her if i could help. she said no, i've had a long day, i should go and watch "Everybody loves Raymond," "Becker," Married to the Kellys, etc etc. Basically she did everything by herself. I am not a good son. I do want to help her although just watching her do the housework makes me feel tired. I told her that if I do help her I don't have to go to the gym, but she keeps telling me to go and rest. that's how good a mum she is. also she purposely chose the day when i came back late (and she doesn't need to cook) to do all these things. so I got her to promise not to wash my clothes for me tomorrow, i'll come back and do it. i suppose that's the least i can do. i realise that she gets joy out of doing those mundane housework again and again, which brings no reward, comes to no end, and is often taken for granted. she is probably less joyful if I help her, cos she gets worried that i'll be tired. and i'm not really 1 for doing housework. when i hang the clothes i'm quite eager to quickly get it over and done with. and when i wash dishes i usually try to minimise the dishes used during cooking and eating so i dun have to wash so much, whereas my mum will use a fresh spoon for everything. can i be blamed? Hanging clothes out to dry isn't exactly the same as watching chelsea thrash manchester united 5-0. and i gave up doing ironing after my father showed me that it's a hobby for him, not a chore. anyway, I had a long day! 2 months ago it was storytelling national education at a hotel, this time it's a MOE national education seminar (ie, a seminar to help teachers be effective in communicating national education) at a country club. if u're wondering wat dat means, it means dat the seminar was held in the grand ballroom (where the air-con is London weather at the moment), breakfast is meegoreng and soon kueh (with extra chilli), lunch with a buffet spread of rice, beancurd, fish, chicken, vegetables, nonya kueh, sichuan soup, coleslaw, there's a free shuttle bus to the MRT station, my travel to the country club and from home is reimbursable, and i get to listen to talks on national education! Congrats to my long day, which finished off with dinner with my brothers at NYDC. I told them about interpersonal skills, their importance in life and success, and my lack of them (which my brothers must learn to be better than me at). Interpersonal skills and entrepreneurship are key to success, not grades. It doesn't matter if ur grades are not good, and it doesn't mean much if ur grades are good, cos when u go out to work, it's ur interpersonal skills, ability to learn on the job quick, entrepreneurship (doing conscription in _____Office), and ability to accept failure. I hope it registered, cos carl's junior and NYDC burnt a hole in my pocket, and on top of it all, I postponed my guitar practice with the T2T guys to catch up with friends and we ended up watching Exorcism of Emily Rose. My first horror movie. It wasn't exactly a horror movie, but luckily it wasn't, cos if it had been something like The Ring I wouldn't be typing this. It was a good movie. It explores concepts like justice, morality, science, superstition, religion, choice, psychology, ambition and reputation. and Laura Linney is really good. a completely different character from the 1 she created in Love Actually. but was I supposed to watch it? Movies cost $2.50 more on weekends, and I was supposed to teach the guys Amazing Grace. now i've postponed it to next week, but i still feel a bit bad about it. I was a bit worried about the guys taking me for granted. But if I'd taught them, I'd have obeyed God, and it wouldn't have cost me a cent!

man u 0 chelsea 3 (dec 2001)

2005-11-11T07:30:00.000-08:00

excuse the language, but I really must share this:

anyway, went to play pool, and i managed to get both the white ball in one hole, and the black ball in the hole diametrically opposite when I wanted to get the orange ball in the hole. not many pple can do that. So I made a rather high-pitched noise, "ha...ha...ha...ha" to express the satisfaction at myself. my frens have and 1 of them said, "wah...you sound just like an orgasm leh."

i knew this was sthing humorously stupid, so I said, "yah, it takes practice lah."

man united 1 chelsea 3 (may 7 2005 score)

2005-11-09T06:09:00.000-08:00

I can't change my nick this weekend. If you don't noe wat I'm toking about, don't ask. If u r a ger, u may also have read about an infamous score on Sunday. everyone's toking about it. dun mention it! I adopt this title for want of a better one. and I forgive those people who copy my nick-style on msn.

took leave today. and guess wat I spent it on? yeah, i brought my 2 brothers out. and i was sad when i heard that my youngest brother hasn't been to Bugis Junction, to Jurong Point, to City Link, to Marina, and he hasn't eaten at Subway, Nooch, NYDC, Carl's Junior, all those great places that I always hang out to eat wif frens! i really need more time & money to bring him out. but anyway i brought them to carl's junior, where they have great burgers of which the size and quality put BK and Mcdonald's to shame. BK has been a disappointment ever since I came back. last time I bought a Chicken sandwich for myself but had to share it with a friend. Now when my fren and I bought a chicken sandwich to share, he decided to eat it all by himself.

at carl's junior my brothers ate the bacon beef burgers and I had the super star. it's real good, beats BK's whopper any day, although the BK has better onions. wish I can go there more. but then must watch weight. Anyway, the lunch there was a good opportunity for me to tell my brothers about motivation - how motivation should come from your inner self - about having an aspiration, knowing it and focusing on it, and then channelling all your energy and resources and short-term goals (ie studying for exams) towards it as the ultimate. It's also about realising that that aspiration is diverse. my bro wants to be a writer. i told him that sitting at home and writing novels is not too realistic and narrow - there's magazine writing, advertisement writing, script-writing, research, market research. there's graphic design, layout, editing, publication, etc, etc, so many opportunities and areas he can venture into - he can explore the Polys, La Salle, and the private universities, he should try for JC since that's what he wants but if not the Polys offer a great diplomas and after that he can still go for a degree. Then he'll have both a degree and a diploma! i'm glad had an opportunity to tell him this - wasn't easy for me, had to pray before the lunch, cos I was afraid he won't listen, but i think he registered. thank you God for giving me the strength. It's taking a lifetime for me to learn that when you obey God, you unlock His power. I told him also that as a student he should study to honour God then God will honour him back.

after that we went to watch Flight Plan. when we found out that Exorcism and Just like Heaven opening tomoro, we were v disappointed dat we were a day early, and I din't noe anything about Flight Plan. but it turned out to be a great movie, although under scrutiny the story doesn't hold water, cos it's technically not possible to pull off such a conspiracy, everything is too neat, and it doesn't cast the state of US aerial security in very good light. But Jodie Foster was great in the movie (I think she is Irish American, she has blue eyes and that Irish American look. by that kinda look, Helen Hunt should be Irish too. and both of them look like my Irish American fren) the movie turned out to be really great, really exciting, but it also reminded me that I haven't been in a plane for quite some time. Sigh. Can identify with esther there.

well. will try to scrimp a bit more on lunches at Mindef and bring them to NYDC to eat the baked rice next time. and there are gd movies coming up. Aeon Flux. Harry Potter. Just like Heaven. Lion, witch and wardrobe.

2005-11-08T07:39:00.000-08:00

既然是华人, 就应该尽量用华语,所以就尝试用华文写网记吧! 上个周末, 父亲为了鼓励跟启发成绩欠佳的弟弟, 就为了一次关于发挥潜能的专业演讲而要我们全家人去听. 我觉得父亲已经下定决心让他去, 但是因为过于奢侈, 家庭经济不是很好, 父亲也太沉迷于弟弟学业上的表现而似乎忽略了一家五口的收入三餐, 所以不肯去. 父亲便讲说演讲的内容因为谈到个人的人际关系能力和信心, 劝我去, 我更不满, 不肯改变主意. 后来听母亲不停地称赞演讲员和他所发扬的价値和概念, 就觉得羞愧, 而苦口婆心地劝弟弟去. 然而, 始终对钱的问题感到惴惴不安. 哼. 如果我可以不每次为了资金而烦恼, 那该多好!

portsmouth 0 wigan 2

2005-11-06T05:09:00.000-08:00

ok.
everyone ponder the qn and give a frank but fair opinion:

Am I fat? overweight? above average in size not amounting to overweight?
Are my looks above average? average? needs much to be desired?

thanks.

lille 1 manchester united 0

2005-11-04T07:23:00.000-08:00

i'm very disappointed with 2 people. because 1 of them insists on having his/her own way, makes his/her own decisions, expects everyone to fall in line and see things his/her way, and hurts everyone in the process. in such folly i fail to see how he/she can set an example or gain the trust or respect of anyone, give anyone security, both financial and emotional. the 2nd person i am very disappointed with because he/she fails to see the effort i put in into trying to spend time and build relationship. in building a relationship it takes 2 hands to clap. but he/she doesn't seem interested, and i seem to be the 1 putting in all the effort. a lot of times i just want to take the easy way out. i've done my part. if they dun want to listen or contribute, so be it. it's not my burden to worry about or to fret or push. but y must they be like that? if only they learn that the simplest ways are the best, and the simplest treasures are the most precious. but no, they must lead a complicated life.

m very happy to see younger brother graduate, even tho didn't go for his graduation, had conscription liability, and he didn't seem to want me to go. in fact he didn't even want my parents to go, tho they still went. he received this very nice certificate, he got a plague for his team coming in 1st in inter-house chinese chess, and he sang his batch song & sch song. takes after me, cos i remember those songs. wish i had gone for graduation, my parents couldn't come for my graduation. but i'm glad to see those results, which to me are realli impressive, even tho my mother said he told her that many subjects are actually below average to his peers. also saw his report for project work. last time in secondary school i had no project work, but he does. well, he got an A grade, and the project work assesses his portfolio, his attitude and personal skills relative to relating with his partner, accepting criticism, his resourcefulness, the quality of work etc. wonder if i could ever do this, even now. 1 thing my university experience did not have was project work - group project work. we were not given team research projects, especially with external affiliations. every piece of work was individual research & essay, there was little practicality about it. well, my brother has things going a lot easier for him - he gets to enjoy benefits of circle line, changi terminal 3, new Bayfront, new Orchard Rd at a younger age, greater secondary sch facilities than me, O Level exemption, new state-of-the-art JC facilities, 6 months shorter NS. but his work is also a lot harder. he thinks i'm better than him, but actually his work is a lot a lot harder. i'm proud of him. the third brother - i'm proud of him too. he's got his own web forum, he taught me how to burn CDs, he burnt a CD for me, he taught me how to use an ipod to download & store music (yes!!). but he needs to build character and values.

had a good stay at my aunt's place, where another aunt taught me all about investments and budgeting. learnt about low, moderate and high-risk investments, hedge funds, unit trusts etc, and about regular but diversified investments with some level of risk to bring in the most profits in the long-run. she's a successful financial consultant and insurance agent. i used to be v greedy about money. i still wanna make my money grow. but then i have heard nasty stories about people making big losses cos they invest in high-risk trusts. sigh.

chelsea 4 blackburn 2

2005-11-01T00:59:00.000-08:00

having a good time with my brother in his room - largest room in the flat which is actually master bedroom and toilet ensuite, listening to his music from his speakers and new ipod, and he uses the air-con liberally so enjoying it too. We went to west mall to check it out and bought Bread Talk to eat, and they had a promotion, so we had an extra sandwich and gave it to mum! also checked out the Sembawang CD shop and popular there. now that i'm back, he actually showed me how to crop a photo on Paint, post it on the web using imageshack and then upload it onto my blog. i've taken it to increase privacy cos freedom of speech is enshrined in singapore's constitution. He says it's very basic, but really to me, it's not english, and i'm so glad that he's there to teach me. he also told me about burning CDs, I didn't even noe my lappie has a CD-rewriting facility, will go and buy CDs and burn some movies cos frens had asked about it the other time and I didn't know anything about it. if can't burn, he will burn from me. i'm also looking at the collection of my old books which now forms his mini-library in the room, and taking them out to re-read. thanks to him, and hopefully the relationship will continue to get better. wish i could love him more, but sometimes i find it hard to love him. this is less his fault than mine, for bible says, if you claim to love God but can't love your brother, you are a liar. soon i'll have to teach him again, when holidays start, that's hard cos it's a commitment, and he's weak, and i'm going to need to draw strength from God to do it. also promised to take leave from conscription liability next week to bring him to Subway and Carl's Junior - can't blive he's not been to those places to eat - actually I'm so privileged and I really need to share my blessings with him more. 2nd brother just sat for O'level Higher Chinese, says compo is too short 2.5 pages - and is worried - well, my ENglish compo at O'level was only 3 pages - it's the subtance, not the length, hope he does well. only needs to pass then he can quit doing chinese at A level (in my time it was B3 and above), but i noe he wants to do well. believe he will, cos prayed for him b4 the paper, and i'm glad he gave me the chance to pray for him the night b4. need to learn how to love, and keep loving, it's not a one-time effort, but a lifelong thingee. it's harder for brothers to love than sisters, cos Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, harder for guys to relate unless there are things in common that they can do, my brothers are computer-savvy and play computer games that to me are Greek, but they dun like soccer, and sometimes i have to act like a disciplinarian when i see unbecoming behavior, that spoils the relationship i know, sigh, but i also need them to know what is right and wrong.

hope my brothers noe i love them.

Tottenham 1 Arsenal 1

2005-10-31T09:27:00.000-08:00

real men cry. Yeah! Everyone needs an outlet for their emotions. But real men cry in private. In solitude, they find energy to recharge themselves, they seek God, for they cannot do anything without Him. Look at David. But in public, when it matters, they are a pillar of strength and sturdiness. Real men don't cry in public, they are brave & bold & face up to the situation. This does not mean that crying in public is left to the ladies. Ladies are as strong as men any day, but it is more socially acceptable for ladies to cry in public. Rather, as John Gray says, men are from Mars, women are from Venus, men should find their solace in solitude, women need to articulate their emotions. Girls don't like guys who whine. Therefore, I shall set my resolutions to be: seek God for strength in private (cos I really need it), seek God for strength in public (cos I really need it), but no more crying, and no more whining. Phil 2:14 says "do everything w/o complaining or arguing anyway."

anyway, today had lunch wif 2 frens from where I am doing my conscription (it's classified cos freedom of speech is enshrined in Singapore's constitution). will invite them to see my blog. they are very intellectual, v capable pple. I really look up to them. I am not intellectual. Compared to them, I am nothing. I smile when I think about what they say. They say I am intellectual like them, so it's all right for them to talk intellectual wif me. They say things like, "we need a moratorium on this topic," and, "when you are with intellectual people, be intellectual, when you are with people who are not, you must know how to modify your persona." I mean, Moratorium! That's a term used to denote a contractual delay in political/legal arguments. This is language that is satirical to say the least, in fact it goes as far as mock heroic. What u mean is, "change subject lah." Reminds me of when I once told someone to "refrain from bombastic and convoluted language when simple vocabulary will suffice," and he replied, "le gong si mi"

But I don't want to be known by my frens as intellectual. I suppose when my frens say I am intellectual, they mean well. At least 2 people have oreidi referred to me as "intellectual" on their blog. But is this what I really what I wanna be? No. I wanna be insightful, kind, warm, helpful, humble, patient, understanding, faithful, gentle, self-controlled. Intellect is a prerequisite for none of these things. God is a prerequisite for all of them. Reason makes man superior to the animal, but emotions makes man human, and longsuffering makes him divine. I'd rather combine head (wisdom not intellect) and heart (the ability to love, which is the centrepiece of God's 2 commandments) to try to obey God (obedience is better than sacrifice). There is a gap between desire and actuality, dat's y I need God. sigh.

Sigh. Nowadays if people say I am intellectual, or use some other synonym to describe me, I have to remind myself, "Remember what God taught you when you were overseas. There are lotsa people out there smarter than u, more hardworking than you, more capable than you, higher EQ than you. You only made it thru ur 4 years of study cos God helped you when you really mattered, and you still have many sub-standard essays on ur laptop to remind u of that. And intellectual enrichment should bring with it intellectual humility, not pride." But I eagerly desire the greater gifts. So I just smile at my friends, although I AM worried about my career prospects. Yes, very. Will I just stay a teacher forever? I mean, I want to rise in the civil service too. It's legitimate to aspire to rise. People believe I will rise. How do they know? On what basis. It depends on your performance in a level playing field. among my peers, I am one of the lowest. Most of them have a better deal than me, and are doing better than me. Over here where I do "what I am liable to do" (I use this phrase cos freedom of speech is enshrined in Singapore's constitution) my peers are handling much heavier and more challenging projects than I am oreidi. They liaise wif big people, including permanent secretaries, military generals, and ministers. They envision plans and formulate policies. What about me? Sigh. and even then I make mistakes by getting the numbers and bullets on documents well, faltering on bureaucratic protocol. When will I ever learn?

So I just smile when I think about the language they use. But I just hope I dun embarrass myself in the same way by acting intellectual & not realising it?

Middlesbrough 4 manchester united 1

2005-10-30T04:45:00.001-08:00

Sigh.

Jesus Himself said, "You are my friends if You do what I command." Problem is, always find it so hard to obey God. Obedience is better than sacrifice. Simple obedience, w/o much questioning. Yesterday, BGR sermon, which I know me, more than anyone else, has to hear it, to remind me of the simple truths dat I always dun wanna listen. And I was reminded of the old fave song, "Draw me close to You." I cried as I sang the song, cos I noe dat if I really embrace God, all the loneliness and frustration will be gone, if I am really able to be His friend. But I find it very hard to obey, to meet the needs of my family and friends.

Yesterday I brought the tuition guys out for lunch, cos COOS sponsor us a celebration lunch, & after that they want me to teach them to play guitar, so I did. Taught them at MRT for 45 mins, then we asked them whether they wanna come to church, and 2 of them said they want. In the end 1 pull out, so disappointed, only 1 came, and I think he came more cos he still wanted to learn guitar after that. I dunno if anything in the sermon or worship registered, but I feel a bit ashamed of myself, sitting beside him, cryng during the worship, singing wif my eyes closed, going out for prayer (1st time I have ever done this in COOS, & wonder whether or not I did the right thing), and teasing Kim, perhaps going overboard again. Later on at dinner I thought I was very attention-seeking, realise that I am acting like a VERY VERY attention-seeking person, really cannot do that, luckily the people wif me were cell members, otherwise I would have made an enmity of everyone again. Wasn't very patient with teaching him, cos he kept asking about the notes and chords and couldn't press hard enuff. Luckily Pauline 姐 was very nice and tried to take over the situation, but she couldn't convince him to join the group of people his age. And I was disappointed the other guy didn't come, in the end, he pulled out at the last minute.

Well, all I wanted to do was to obey God. Why did it turn out so complicated? I invited the guy to church. I humbled myself about the BGR message. I tried to show love to the guys by teaching them. what went wrong? did evrything turn out right? Sigh. ! Must be on the day that this guy comes along (which is supposed to be a good thing), that I 破天荒, cry, go out for prayer, etc. I'd told myself not to do this any more. Guys don't cry. Grown men dun cry. And the SAF turns boys to men. If I dun become a man I'm wasting my time in the SAF. The SAF isn't a waste of time because they need the best of time to defend the country so that the economy can be prosperous...

AJC

2005-10-29T20:24:00.000-07:00

Sigh. For some reason my blog can't link, and I can't upload my foto onto the profile cos it's 2MB and it can't be more than 50KB. I am not tech savvy. Everytime I use the computer, or other tech, it just won't work. I upload a diskette into the computer, the document won't load, my friend takes the diskette, puts it in, and hey presto! the document comes out. This frustrates me. Well, I've spent 2 days wondering how to link and put photos. Even my brother, the tech savvy one, has given up. Mebbe some kind soul can help me. If not, this blog should be about me. There is no pressure to perform. It's ok to have a blog wif a photo as a posting instead of a profile (scroll down), and no links. It's gonna be me - lack of tech savviness, long writing, and all.

Anyway, today I had the chance to be nice to my colleagues. This is good, cos every day, I set out to mean to be nice to someone. Today I had lunch wif 2 of them, and paid for the taxi fare back to AJC. To most people it's a small thing, but to me, who tends to be very tight with my money, and tends to be laid back, I'm glad that in this small way I try to obey God. I'm also v glad that I was able to talk to my colleague more. Previously I thought he didn't like me. But today we managed to talk, in the same way NSmen should talk and relate, and for the last half hour, I even managed to talk to him about God. It was not easy to me to do that. I am not an assertive person. I am very shy, very thin-skinned, and introverted. I started asking him a contra-negative question - was he unhappy about having to attend chapel services when he was in ACJC. He surprised me by saying he didn't mind, cos he was a Christian - but he's not a Christian now. We then had a conversation in which I asked most of the questions and he gave most of his views. COOS has taught us to share Christ by asking challenging questions and seeing what questions they give - so I challenged his views about a generic God, institutionalised religion, life after death, faith and knowledge, etc etc. Unfortunately he's very knowledgable, he was a Christian b4. And he was ready to answer all my answers. Occasionally I plucked up the courage to say 1 or 2 things - u must have faith & deeds, u can never unnerstan God or you would be God, u can't rely simply on science & fate in life, wat about life after death. He said God is very narrow & possessive if He wants man to worship Him and he excludes eternal life to all those who don't believe in Him. I said that's cos He is God, and he said, that's why I cannot believe that a god would be lidat. Wat to do? I've tried my best. I hope, that like me, although he was very assertive in his rebuttal, will reflect on the challenge I attempted to give him. I really hope this is a seed that has been sown. And this took place in the sound room in AJC auditorium, where another propaganda seminar was going on, while the students were watching a video and watching a skit explaining why conscription is necessary in Singapore. Earlier on the NSF who was to give a speech today came up and I told him that he and I were also NSFs. He was surprised, cos we were not in uniform. He was even more surprised to find me 3 yrs older than him. My colleague said, cos I am lucky. Later a question was asked about whether it's fair for guys to have to stop their studies for 2 yrs for NS, will they forget what they studied. He said, well, it's part of NS, u haf to unless u can haf ur NS deferred to study 1st, like some lucky ones. Well, it's true I'm lucky in this way, but do u noe how much I respect pple like him? Who can overcome all those tuff training, inc jungle confidence courses in Brunei, overseas exercises in Taiwan and India, and become fit and tuff, wif strong leadership qualities and dependability? I'm now a clerk in Mindef, I haven't gone thru all these things, those people who have have developed skills and character that no 1 can take away. Cos Tuff times dun last but tuff pple do. Am I a tuff person? No, I think I'm v soft, and not v street-smart. It's something I must learn. I'm now learning it in an office - in Mindef, in a different way, and next time, put me in an outdoor setting, I dunno whether I can be a reliable field marshal like others. I really respect those who are commissioned officers, cos I noe I can never be. Those people would also haf no prob handling technology, after they have learnt to handle weapons and artillery in the SAF. But people always think the grass is greener on the other side. I am a realist, so I believe the grass is greener on the other side, but do you also know that unless you yourself trample on it, the grass is also green on your side?

SAJC

2005-10-29T20:23:00.000-07:00

Today we went down to SAJC to do the Security Seminar. Frankly, the school is rather old, and it doesn't have state-of-the-art facilities like NJC or HCI, and I forgot to bring my pen and had to buy a green pen for the school bookshop, but then, I really liked the old boy who came back to give the talk. He was velly farnie & charismatic, he used a lot of slang & dialect like "siam", "jian fei", "boh chup," "buah song", and had all of us luffing. & then the COL, he was very good too - considering it's his 1st time, & wah, he's both an LTC & a lawyer in civilian life - how successful he must be. Like the white and blue school uniforms with the tie, but isn't it rather troublesome to have to wear a tie all the time? Anyway, today people in the office were very nice, I had lunch with my colleague at Clementi Central, a welcome departure from having it at Mindef all the time, and we had a really good time talking about Branch Heads, working in the civil service, etc etc, and she even treated me to fruit punch. Actually we had lunch there cos we didn't know where to go, and we didn't know that Harbourfront is so near SAJC, & missed the stop for the hawker centre at Dover, so ended up at my place of dwelling. When I got back, managed to talk, even if it was just for 2 - 3 minutes, wif 3 other colleagues. It takes quite a lot of effort for me to talk and to show interest in sustaining a conversation cos I am not a conversational person, & actually, when I talk to pple, it's not for socialising, but to build friendships & rapport, & hopefully, I can bring God's love & svc to them in some way. A lot of times it backfires & they end up meeting my needs instead. I remember God told me that He doesn't really care about what I've studied or where I've been, and really, when I come back, I see that it doesn't matter! What's most important is relationships, character, & svc. It's so hard to follow the verses that I set as the raison d'etre to my life when I was suffering & learning in the UK - "do nuttin out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Who, being in very nature man, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking on the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. & being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself unto death on a cross." If only I could achieve that level of humility, service and love that Christ did. It's so hard, cos I'm basically egotistic, shy, and I still need to work on my interpersonal skills. But at least I toked to them, & managed to show love to my neighbour today when I met her on the way home. Last week when we went for the evangelism talk the guy was right, you must reach out to people in your community, around you, but then, it's my next-door neighbour, & I've only talked to her 2 or 3 times & can't remember her son's name! Actually, I tried to talk to her a bit, & u noe, obedience is better than sacrifice, & obedience realli works. From that simple conversation & concern about her son's exam, she asked me whether I would give her Pri 1 son tuition. Then she said she would think about it, & asked me to think about it too. If it comes thru I've got a job, w/o worrying about having to find a student next year. Then of course there's the issue that this kid's only P1, she's prob not going to pay me v much, like the $35 per hour I had last year. But I know the parents are not happy with this sum, & they don't want me back next year, even when I call to ask how their son did in the exam, they very curtly tell me they still do not know. Cell leader is right, & cell member is right (if they do read this, they know who they are), you are most blessed when you go out with the express intention of blessing the other person, u get blessed urself instead. hopefully, this will be the start of a fruitful relationship. My neighbour is v nice. she did say I must come over for coffee, and she's got DVDs to lend me, but u noe, I am thin-skinned, and pai seh, & we never actually got down to meeting up, & then it's hard for me to relate wif them cos she's a mother wif 2 young kids 6 & 7 & I'm a 23-year old guy who's "technically single but not available"! but anyway, hope it'll be good, & as each day passes, I'll be able to improve my relationships wif pple in the office. I realli started out badly, but then I've got to say that every day is a new day, & i must keep trying. Hopefully I will be able to identify and meet their needs skilfully and accurately.

Service to the Nation

2005-10-29T20:16:00.000-07:00

Service to the Nation

Would you like to do your conscription liability where I am doing mine? This is a blog, so it's classified. Where everyday you switch on your computer and stare at propaganda (read: core values.) Everyday you are not only reminded of the need for a strong defence, (realist theory of international relations), the need for conscription (explains why I must until Jun 2007 be paid $348 per month), but you write stuff to remind everyone else that this is what they must do? The stuff is classified. Remember when you were in JC, and you received all those core values? If you're a guy, why conscription is important, and if you are a girl, how you should support your boyfriends, (how come nobody's supporting me, but don't worry, I don't need), and when you go in, doing surveys about your attitudes to conscription? Imagine being part of the organisation that conceives and writes those scripts, and conceptualises, administers and analyses the feedback, and looks at ways to improve attitudes towards conscription? Can't say anymore cos everything else is classified. Well, you don't have a choice, so you can be positive about it & try to learn as much as you can, get a chance to go down for as many seminars, workshops and forums as possible, watch how the big people do it, gain both academic and vocational knowledge, strengthen your general paper from reading the newspapers and online materials and gain experience in instructional material conceptualisation and analysis cos later I plan to teach (yeah, intend to teach as a job, at least 4 a few years), and they'll probably ask me to teach patriotism (read: National Education) thru the teaching of academic subjects. There's a great library well stocked, with authors like Chua Beng Huat, Michael Leifer, Warren Fernandez, Raj Vasil, etc etc. The best I've attended was the NE Storytelling Workshop, held at a hotel (yes, a hotel), where we ate 4 meals a day and learnt from professional storytellers how to tell stories (yes, I'm not kidding), the JCs, an NE Forum, (though it was held at a camp, and we didn't get to eat much food) and the visit to ISD Heritage Centre (where I really, Really, REALLY learnt a lot.) . There's better to come - there's a URA visit next month, and then an MOE seminar (& I think it's at a Country Club), and then visits to the polytechnics. Looking 4ward to all of them. oh well...Why am I not scared to write all this? Cos freedom is speech is enshrined in Singapore's constitution

Y this blog?

2005-10-29T20:12:00.000-07:00

Why this blog?

Yes, you people will ask, why this blog? Why, when I'm not a diary-writing person, or the intensely reflective, contemplative kind of the person, but a solid, down-to-earth, pragmatic person? Well, cos I've been encouraged by coupla people to commit to writing a blog, especially after seeing their blogs. They write very well. (They know who they are.) Moreover, since I'm not an assertive or opinionated person, I think this is an avenue where I can articulate my views without worrying that I'm 咄咄逼人 or talkative, or insensitive, cos these are my experiences and my perceptions & I'm totally entitled to it, it's up to you whether you wish to be inspired or disgusted by them. Also, Singapore's supposed to have freedom of speech enshrined in the constitution. I should know, since I'm doing my NS in Central National Education Office. I'm going to see how free our freedom of speech really extends. Don't worry, there will not be anything racist or subversive. Third, I'm interested to see my views filtered through, cos there's a lot I can learn from a lot of people. We learn a lot everyday, as the Chinese say, 活到老, 学到老. Fourth, it's to train myself to be a little more opinionative. I tend not to form opinions, cos I think they are no use. When you form an opinion, you either veer to the left or the right of what the fact is, but a fact is a fact, and the fact speaks for itself, and an opinion is not likely to have an immediate impact on the fact, so what's the fact for? I know this is definitely a flawed argument, but it's my take on life.

Second question, why name the blog chelsea 5 manchester united 0? Well, I remember when I was still studying in the East (ie, faraway from everywhere), when Poyet scored in the 1st minute, Sutton in the 16th, Nicky Butt (who now plays for Birmingham) was sent off in the 24 minute, Berg scored an own goal in the 53rd minute, Poyet scored again in the 56th minute, and Morris finished off manchester united in the 81st minute. I've loved soccer and chelsea ever since, and I chose this score over manchester united 0 chelsea 3 (Dec 2001) and liverpool 1 chelsea 4 (october 2005) cos, if you do simple mathematics, the difference between 5 and 0 is 5 while the difference between the other 2 scores is 3! But I appreciate the 2nd score, when lampard scored from a penalty in the 27th minute, duff put a second in 43rd minute, cole on 63 minutes and then geremi took revenge for may 3, 2005, when william gallas deflected luis garcia's shot ONTO (as opposed to past) the goal line.

A blog is going to be very boring if my frens dun visit, comment and link, so this blog won't survive without my frens. So please contribute...I'll be v pleased, cos there's a lot I can learn from everyone. I'm new to the world of diary writing, but with the onset of globalisation, which means a borderless world with seamless communications throughout the globe, Singapore, given its geostrategic location and its lack of natural resources, will have to embrace it rather than avoid it to survive.