Monday, October 31, 2005

Tottenham 1 Arsenal 1

real men cry. Yeah! Everyone needs an outlet for their emotions. But real men cry in private. In solitude, they find energy to recharge themselves, they seek God, for they cannot do anything without Him. Look at David. But in public, when it matters, they are a pillar of strength and sturdiness. Real men don't cry in public, they are brave & bold & face up to the situation. This does not mean that crying in public is left to the ladies. Ladies are as strong as men any day, but it is more socially acceptable for ladies to cry in public. Rather, as John Gray says, men are from Mars, women are from Venus, men should find their solace in solitude, women need to articulate their emotions. Girls don't like guys who whine. Therefore, I shall set my resolutions to be: seek God for strength in private (cos I really need it), seek God for strength in public (cos I really need it), but no more crying, and no more whining. Phil 2:14 says "do everything w/o complaining or arguing anyway."

anyway, today had lunch wif 2 frens from where I am doing my conscription (it's classified cos freedom of speech is enshrined in Singapore's constitution). will invite them to see my blog. they are very intellectual, v capable pple. I really look up to them. I am not intellectual. Compared to them, I am nothing. I smile when I think about what they say. They say I am intellectual like them, so it's all right for them to talk intellectual wif me. They say things like, "we need a moratorium on this topic," and, "when you are with intellectual people, be intellectual, when you are with people who are not, you must know how to modify your persona." I mean, Moratorium! That's a term used to denote a contractual delay in political/legal arguments. This is language that is satirical to say the least, in fact it goes as far as mock heroic. What u mean is, "change subject lah." Reminds me of when I once told someone to "refrain from bombastic and convoluted language when simple vocabulary will suffice," and he replied, "le gong si mi"

But I don't want to be known by my frens as intellectual. I suppose when my frens say I am intellectual, they mean well. At least 2 people have oreidi referred to me as "intellectual" on their blog. But is this what I really what I wanna be? No. I wanna be insightful, kind, warm, helpful, humble, patient, understanding, faithful, gentle, self-controlled. Intellect is a prerequisite for none of these things. God is a prerequisite for all of them. Reason makes man superior to the animal, but emotions makes man human, and longsuffering makes him divine. I'd rather combine head (wisdom not intellect) and heart (the ability to love, which is the centrepiece of God's 2 commandments) to try to obey God (obedience is better than sacrifice). There is a gap between desire and actuality, dat's y I need God. sigh.

Sigh. Nowadays if people say I am intellectual, or use some other synonym to describe me, I have to remind myself, "Remember what God taught you when you were overseas. There are lotsa people out there smarter than u, more hardworking than you, more capable than you, higher EQ than you. You only made it thru ur 4 years of study cos God helped you when you really mattered, and you still have many sub-standard essays on ur laptop to remind u of that. And intellectual enrichment should bring with it intellectual humility, not pride." But I eagerly desire the greater gifts. So I just smile at my friends, although I AM worried about my career prospects. Yes, very. Will I just stay a teacher forever? I mean, I want to rise in the civil service too. It's legitimate to aspire to rise. People believe I will rise. How do they know? On what basis. It depends on your performance in a level playing field. among my peers, I am one of the lowest. Most of them have a better deal than me, and are doing better than me. Over here where I do "what I am liable to do" (I use this phrase cos freedom of speech is enshrined in Singapore's constitution) my peers are handling much heavier and more challenging projects than I am oreidi. They liaise wif big people, including permanent secretaries, military generals, and ministers. They envision plans and formulate policies. What about me? Sigh. and even then I make mistakes by getting the numbers and bullets on documents well, faltering on bureaucratic protocol. When will I ever learn?

So I just smile when I think about the language they use. But I just hope I dun embarrass myself in the same way by acting intellectual & not realising it?


Blogger zack powers said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:32 AM  
Blogger mimosa said...

Guilty as charged - for calling you an intellectual... actually shldn't have done that, esp since you shared before about not wanting to be proud of intellect... At the same time, you are not dumb either, and i think its ok to acknowledge that. All humans struggle with their intellect i think. Every believer must have overcome what they think they know, in order to know Him. Again, don't be so hard on yourself. :)

11:13 AM  
Blogger lychee said...

But..You are insightful, helpful, you are humble always during cell meetings, you are patient with people and understanding and you are gentle with everyone. I see your intelligence as more of a gift too. Not everyone has common sense and logic. I think it may be because society today focus more on intelligence and they are on a look out for 'this factor' and yours is prominent. (I hope you all understand what I am saying, cos I realise I don't always make sense, even to myself).

12:51 AM  

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