Sunday, October 30, 2005

Middlesbrough 4 manchester united 1

Sigh.

Jesus Himself said, "You are my friends if You do what I command." Problem is, always find it so hard to obey God. Obedience is better than sacrifice. Simple obedience, w/o much questioning. Yesterday, BGR sermon, which I know me, more than anyone else, has to hear it, to remind me of the simple truths dat I always dun wanna listen. And I was reminded of the old fave song, "Draw me close to You." I cried as I sang the song, cos I noe dat if I really embrace God, all the loneliness and frustration will be gone, if I am really able to be His friend. But I find it very hard to obey, to meet the needs of my family and friends.

Yesterday I brought the tuition guys out for lunch, cos COOS sponsor us a celebration lunch, & after that they want me to teach them to play guitar, so I did. Taught them at MRT for 45 mins, then we asked them whether they wanna come to church, and 2 of them said they want. In the end 1 pull out, so disappointed, only 1 came, and I think he came more cos he still wanted to learn guitar after that. I dunno if anything in the sermon or worship registered, but I feel a bit ashamed of myself, sitting beside him, cryng during the worship, singing wif my eyes closed, going out for prayer (1st time I have ever done this in COOS, & wonder whether or not I did the right thing), and teasing Kim, perhaps going overboard again. Later on at dinner I thought I was very attention-seeking, realise that I am acting like a VERY VERY attention-seeking person, really cannot do that, luckily the people wif me were cell members, otherwise I would have made an enmity of everyone again. Wasn't very patient with teaching him, cos he kept asking about the notes and chords and couldn't press hard enuff. Luckily Pauline 姐 was very nice and tried to take over the situation, but she couldn't convince him to join the group of people his age. And I was disappointed the other guy didn't come, in the end, he pulled out at the last minute.

Well, all I wanted to do was to obey God. Why did it turn out so complicated? I invited the guy to church. I humbled myself about the BGR message. I tried to show love to the guys by teaching them. what went wrong? did evrything turn out right? Sigh. ! Must be on the day that this guy comes along (which is supposed to be a good thing), that I 破天荒, cry, go out for prayer, etc. I'd told myself not to do this any more. Guys don't cry. Grown men dun cry. And the SAF turns boys to men. If I dun become a man I'm wasting my time in the SAF. The SAF isn't a waste of time because they need the best of time to defend the country so that the economy can be prosperous...

3 Comments:

Blogger mimosa said...

Hey..
Don't be so hard on yourself lah...sometimes it takes people many years of friednship or knowing each other before you can invite them to church... so I think its encouraging that that boys wanted to come.. 'younglings'are like that, a bit fickle at times...
And by the way, real men do cry.

9:00 AM  
Blogger lychee said...

I was crying too. And worse was I did not have tissue and the fluid from my nose..*Yucks* So i had to go back to my own seat to take the tissue.
Men are also human beings marr. Human Beings should cry. I think Jesus wept for Lazarus too, did He not? Furthermore, on a perverse tone, whenever I feel bad, I rather cry. I feel good after crying everything out. If you don't cry, aren't you stocking up everything within then?

4:21 PM  
Blogger J said...

Hmm, I don't suppose the part where you were singing "Tong Hua" was the part you think you were seeking attention? Well, as one of the cell members present then, I certainly didn't feel that way. In fact, I think of it as a moment where I saw Eugene being spontaneous and natural. And like you said, I sang along too. I wouldn't have done that if you were being attention seeking and annoying, ya? :)

6:39 AM  

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